The Salty Ju

I write personal essays & satire to try and get people to laugh with me or at me

The Tummy Trials
The Tummy Trials
The Salty Ju Turns T E N!
The Salty Ju Turns T E N!
Hey, I’m Just Here for the Wieners!
Hey, I’m Just Here for the Wieners!
How to Do an Out of State Transfer at a Central Jersey (Yeah, We Exist) DMV
How to Do an Out of State Transfer at a Central Jersey (Yeah, We Exist) DMV
The Most Alarming Things Medical Professionals Have Said to Me (So Far)
The Most Alarming Things Medical Professionals Have Said to Me (So Far)
A Skincare Convo with My Gal Pal Earth
A Skincare Convo with My Gal Pal Earth
I’m A Side Hustlin’ Hack
I’m A Side Hustlin’ Hack
Open Letter to Everyone Working From Home But Really Just Running Errands
Open Letter to Everyone Working From Home But Really Just Running Errands
10 Things I Would Go Back and Tell Myself at College Graduation
10 Things I Would Go Back and Tell Myself at College Graduation
A List of People Who Are Dead to Me So Far (In Chronological Order) | Points in Case
Bend Over and I’ll Show Ya
Bend Over and I’ll Show Ya
Quiz: Excerpt From My Middle School Diary or Taylor Swift Lyrics?
Quiz: Excerpt From My Middle School Diary or Taylor Swift Lyrics?
A Blubbering Whale of a Tale
A Blubbering Whale of a Tale
Come On Over But Only If You’re Cool With Boogers On Every Surface In My House
Come On Over But Only If You’re Cool With Boogers On Every Surface In My House
Hot Tips From A Puppy To Level Up Your Kissing Game
Hot Tips From A Puppy To Level Up Your Kissing Game
Yo, It’s Me, Your Fanny Pack, Here To Tell You To Stop Being Embarrassed By Me
Yo, It’s Me, Your Fanny Pack, Here To Tell You To Stop Being Embarrassed By Me
A Letter to the Tenant From the Squirrel Living in the Attic
A Letter to the Tenant From the Squirrel Living in the Attic
Things I Googled In My 30th Year On This Earth
Things I Googled In My 30th Year On This Earth
Flossing For The Dentist? I’m Waxing For The OB-GYN
Flossing For The Dentist? I’m Waxing For The OB-GYN
An Email to JLo Containing Unsolicited Relationship Advice
An Email to JLo Containing Unsolicited Relationship Advice
A List of Responses to “What Are Your Plans for Valentine’s Day?” Honestly Translated from a Single Female in her Thirties
A List of Responses to “What Are Your Plans for Valentine’s Day?” Honestly Translated from a Single Female in her Thirties
Taylor Swift Trivia for One
Taylor Swift Trivia for One
Stay Grounded
The Salty Ju and the No Good, Very Bad Haircut
The Salty Ju and the No Good, Very Bad Haircut
Abolish Biz Casj.
Moving Still Sucks Balls
Ripe and Ready to Be Scammed
Ripe and Ready to Be Scammed
Thirty, Flirty & Full of Anxiety
Thirty, Flirty & Full of Anxiety
My Body Was Not Built To Climb Mountains
My Body Was Not Built To Climb Mountains
We’re The Government but You Poors Can Just Refer to Us as a Helping Hand
We’re The Government but You Poors Can Just Refer to Us as a Helping Hand
Aloha, Bus Driver From My Nightmares!
Aloha, Bus Driver From My Nightmares!
An Open Letter to Couples on Venmo
An Open Letter to Couples on Venmo

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