I am afraid of heights.

People think when I say “I’m afraid of heights” I mean I get nervous to go on roller coasters or have a fear of flying. Both are things I have done and actually really enjoyed.

No, I’ve developed an extreme fear of falling off of heights, even when we are not in risk of falling.

For example, there is a cliff on the north shore of Lake Superior called Palisade Head which rises 300 feet above the lake. A Few years ago, my husband and I were staying at a resort nearby when we went to visit. I had been there many times before and for a little while, I was fine. We parked, looked over the wall lining the parking lot and began to walk on the rocks 30 or 40 feet away from the edge.

Suddenly, I knew we were about to fall off the cliff.

My brain saw it. My body felt it. I felt electric. Tense. My heart raced and my palms sweat and I began speaking in a high, urgent voice. I started speed walking back to the car and told my husband to come, too. He looked at me completely confused and looked at the other people much much closer to the edge than we were. He said, you can go back I’m going to go further.

No! I yelled at him to come with me. I was near tears. Shaking.

Incredulous, he just stared at me. I don’t remember if he came back or continued walking around. I just remember the fear.

This fear or anxiety is not one I face on a daily basis but last weekend we went to the North Shore again and while the boys and Tim went to Palisade Head, I stayed in the car and listened to an audio book while playing a game on my phone. It’s best to just not expose myself to the cliff.

They were fine. I was fine.

Fear is a warning system in our bodies indicating to us that something is wrong.

We need fear.

Like anger, fear serves an important purpose. While my fear of heights is more intense than it needs to be, there is a healthy dose of fear that keeps someone from standing too close to the edge. In fact, it is the job of the amygdala in the brain to shoot out hormones that help us be alert to danger and protect us from harm.

Fear is important when there is a threat.

But what do we do when we struggle with fear to the point that it becomes anxiety? When our amygdala begins to shoot off the warning signs and there is no actual danger? Or when we just have a general sense that something is going to go wrong - all the time?

Some of us struggle with fear of the future.

The future is unknown and feels full of risks. We may pull from past experiences of loss or failure and imagine the same thing happening in the future. Or we may believe all will be as bad as it is right now. Or we may simply expect things cannot keep going as well as they are.

When we talk about the Enneagram and the Head Triad’s Struggle with Fear, this is specifically what we are talking about.

The Head Triad and Fear

The Enneagram Head Triad includes Types 5, 6, and 7. These are the Thinkers. They are the ones most likely to take in information through data and thinking. When fear shows, their thinking tends to center around the negative things that could happen. But they each fear different things and cope with their fear in very different ways.

Enneagram 5s, if you remember from our post on motivations, desire to be competent and knowledgable. Conversely, they fear being incompetent, not knowing what to do or having critical data. Type 5s may not come across as people preparing for the future or being anxious because they are generally detached from their emotions. They cope with anxiety by gathering more information. By detaching emotionally and studying more. All of this is to prevent being without the knowledge they believe they will need in the future to be confident and competent. But no one can know everything and we all need to ask for help eventually.

Enneagram 6s desire to be safe, secure and supported - both in the present and in the future. However, they fear bad things happening in the future. In fact, this is the type most likely to have thought through all potential negative scenarios and made a plan for what to do if all things go wrong. They tend to be the most prepared in an emergency because they have spent a significant amount of time thinking through potential problems. Type 6s actually cope with their anxiety through pessimism - planning for the worst. These are the people who pack everything except the kitchen sink and have every minute planned for a trip. All to make sure it will go smoothly. Except we can’t plan for everything.

Enneagram 7s want to feel good, happy, and satisfied. In fact, they generally give people the impression that they do feel good and are happy and satisfied. Their greatest fear for the future is that they will be deprived of what they want or believe they need to experience those good feelings. Boredom is insufferable. Woe to anyone who disrupts their fun. Type 7s uniquely cope with their anxiety about their future through optimism. They look to the next thing as being better than the current thing if the current stimulation becomes depleted. They anticipate the fun running out and have something they are looking forward to. The difficulty is that they struggle to find satisfaction in the moment because they are convinced something will go wrong and something better must be somewhere else.

I have great compassion for each of these Enneagram Types. It is tiring to be alert to potential problems all the time. The good news is everyone can grow and experience relief from pressing anxiety.

Practice the Present Moment

One important practice is being grounded in the safety of the present moment. The following exercise can be used whether you are feeling anxious, ashamed, or even angry.

First, what are you feeling right now? If you are already grounded, great! This will be good practice. If you are feeling anxious, stressed, or anything else, how would you rate the intensity on a scale of 1-10?

Take a moment to look around. Where are you?

Let’s name your senses.

Name 5 things that you can see.

Name 4 things you can feel with your skin.

Name 3 things you hear.

Name 2 things you smell.

Name 1 thing you taste.

Now what are you feeling in your emotions? Do you sense a shift? Any shift downward is a shift towards a more regulated nervous system.

This practice can be used during a break from a fight, in the middle of an exam, after an accident - whenever we need some regulation in our emotions.

One of the reasons we fear the future is we fear we won’t have what it takes to face what may come. But we have been given the capacity - the tools, the knowledge, the people, even resources in our own bodies to cope with the struggles that come our way.

You have what it takes.

If you need more or desire further coaching on how to face your fears, please reach out or schedule a free coaching consultation. I would love to chat with you.

"I chose Leah as my coach because she is real and authentic.  She gives me space to process and brings  unique insight to my thoughts, feelings & experiences.  With her help, I have experienced a ton of growth both personally and in my closest relationships."  #teamleah 

-Sally