Our neighborhood has grown recently. We have added hundreds of new homes into our subdivision and, of course, each home brings a new family unit with their own story/background. I love meeting some of these new neighbors and hearing about where they came from. Some are local and only new to the neighborhood, but some are from far away and bring a whole new set of experiences to the mix. One of the things I’ve learned, is that several of the ladies came from neighborhoods where they were actively involved with ladies groups. As such, a variety of groups have popped up now. You can join a book club, a crafting group, a crochet/knitting club, or a group for parents of small children (if you fit that demographic). We even have a yoga instructor who does classes at the club house.

Recently, I joined a ladies group in my neighborhood for monthly Bunco games. What’s Bunco? Great question. I wasn’t sure either, but I heard it was fun and this group was small and private (only 12 women could participate, with the occasional substitute) so it seemed right up my social alley! I figured I could learn the details of it as I went. As it turns out, Bunco is an easy game to learn and a lot of fun. However, it did not start out quite that simple.

The first night consisted of twelve women meeting each other (some for the first time), learning the game (again, some for the first time), bringing food to share (not hard for any of us), eating/socializing (again, not hard for any of us), and then settling in to play the game. As several of us were new to the game, the host graciously spent the next few minutes explaining the rules. (It should be pointed out that she had also typed up the rules on a piece of paper at each table, put instructions on a small sign to tell us which table to go to when it was time to switch places, and color coded pencils for each table… yet still she had the patience to verbally explain the rules to us.)

It didn’t take long to realize that there are apparently many ways to play Bunco. After only a few minutes, several of the women interrupted the host to let her know that “that’s not the way” they played the game and some minor chaos then ensued.

Now, as someone who knew NONE of the rules, the ladies interrupting the host to point out the few differences they had with her rules was distracting and made it more confusing. Instead of a few simple rules to follow (with the printed out rules and directional signs already in place at the tables), it was turning into a more complicated process that had me questioning all the rules. At one point in the heated discussion, it seemed that all they could agree on was that the game was called Bunco and dice were involved.

As a big picture person, I walked away from the group while they discussed and debated the smaller details of how to keep score, how many dice you roll each time, and other things that didn’t interest me at all. I just wanted to know what rules were for THIS night so that we could get started and get to the fun part. Eventually, the group reached a consensus on how to play (which were the rules that the host had already put in writing on the tables) and the ladies who had voiced their opposing opinions walked away (albeit begrudgingly) to their appropriate tables and finally the fun started.

Despite the rocky start, all twelve of us had a great night playing and getting to know each other. We spent the next two hours laughing, talking, eating, and making new friends…which was important because part of joining this group means you made a twelve month commitment to show up the first Tuesday of the month to play and even hosting one of the meetings at your house. Everyone agreed that it was a fun night and we were looking forward to the next meeting. Some ladies even said they liked the new rules they learned that night and felt that it made the game easier to follow.

During an “intermission” from the playing, I struck up a conversation with one of the ladies who I knew was planning on starting a “read through the Bible in a year” program. As it was early in January, I assumed it would still be going along well. Surprisingly, she said it was not going well at all. She then explained to me that on day two of the reading, the Bible study leader made a statement that she didn’t agree with so she hasn’t been able to bring herself to continue to do it. (It shouldn’t surprise you that she was also one of the ladies arguing with the host on how to play Bunco… clearly she is a detail oriented person.) I listened to her concerns about the statement and then she asked me what I thought about it. Personally, I thought this detail was not a deal breaker, but I tried to be sensitive to where she was coming from. I was careful not to give her a direct answer (because I wanted to say “I think you’re being ridiculous”) opting instead to give a more careful, gentle answer. I explained to her that my way doing this study (this is my second time going through it) is to view things that the host says through a more broad lens. I look at it this way: does it affect my salvation? and/or is it heretical in nature? If the statement made by this teacher… or anyone… does not fall into those two categories for me, I am inclined to hear what the person says, but not to put too much weight on it if I disagree. She seemed shocked at this, but then followed up that shock with informing me that her past religious training is Catholic in nature which I took as meaning a more strict adherence to details. We were able to reach an agreement that if she were to continue in this study, she would have to give up a portion of that rigid religious background to get to the heart of the study. In fact, I even joked with her that she should start applying that mindset to the rules of Bunco while we’re playing. For the rest of the night, she would make a “zip the lip” sign when she would start to grumble… symbolizing that she was letting the differences go.

The unique thing about this particular Bible study is that your daily task is not to just read the passages. The main hook to this study is to find your “God shot” in the words. Let me tell you why that is important. By nature we are selfish and self serving. As we read the Bible, our natural bent is to look for how it applies to us: how can this make me better, what does God want me to learn about myself in this, how can I apply this to my husband/child/neighbor? However, when you change that perspective to where do you see GOD in these words, it changes your view completely. It causes you to back up and see the Bible as a panoramic picture, rather than zooming in on the details like a microscope. Suddenly, you can view the Bible as an overview for mankind and His beautiful plan for us (all of us) rather than cherry picking verses to suit a particular circumstance.

Whether it’s a Bible study or a Bunco game, we lose when we restrict ourselves to only seeing things our way. Had the group not been able to “agree to disagree” on a few details of the game, I would (possibly) have gone home and never wanted to play Bunco again. If my neighbor chooses to let minor differing of opinions on interpretations of the scripture hinder her ability to go through this study, she may miss out on an overall amazing experience with her Bible study journey. If we spend an excessive amount of time arguing over the smaller details of Christianity, we will forfeit the opportunity to reach a lost and dying world that don’t know the love of God or the sacrifice that Jesus made for them. They will watch us squabble with each other… or with them… and they will walk away without knowing there is more to life than what is right in front of them. We don’t have to hand them all the answers, we just have to show them to the One who does have all their answers. In fact, just like with the Bunco rules, the more rules and details we throw at someone in the beginning of their walk with Christ, the more confusing we make it for them.

Society is splintering faster and faster over details. Sadly, the church is one of the best examples of this. We debate with each other over details that are not deal breakers. We tear at each other over theological issues that are important in small circles, but not in the big picture that world needs to see. A person who is lost and drowning in sin or depression does not care (or need to care) if they were predestined or predetermined to be saved. They do not care about infant baptism versus immersion baptism. They are not interested in whether a female can preach over a congregation. We have to learn how to let go of distracting details and learn how to love others wholly by showing them the love of God. There will always be differing opinions on grey issues: speaking in tongues, divorce, consuming alcohol, being in church every Sunday, etc. Sometimes there are even bigger issues at play (politics strike a bell?), but when all we can do is debate why we’re right we lose sight of the big picture: loving others and showing them who Christ is in our lives.

The monthly Bunco night would have been a short lived concept if the individuals who disagreed with the rules had not been able to give up their preconceived notions of how the game should have been played. If they had insisted that the game could only be played their way and left, no one would have had a good time that night and the group could not have gone on as planned. I am thankful for the ladies who were able to have an open mind and broaden their view of the rules to include the new concepts that were introduced that night. They chose to walk in openness and laid down their pride to say “let’s try it this way” (even the ones who were not happy about playing a new way) because of the different rules didn’t change the actual integrity of the game overall.

I challenge you to look for ways you can be open with others in your everyday life. Actively look and pray for more ways to connect with others rather than only finding all the differences you have with them. Not every disagreement is a hill you need to die on. Some disagreements can be conversation starters and serve to open a door to healthy discussions. We can disagree on details while still playing together in the game of life. You may find that someone else’s rules in their game of life are actually easier to understand or change your view of something in a positive way.