enouragement

Bunco

Our neighborhood has grown recently. We have added hundreds of new homes into our subdivision and, of course, each home brings a new family unit with their own story/background. I love meeting some of these new neighbors and hearing about where they came from. Some are local and only new to the neighborhood, but some are from far away and bring a whole new set of experiences to the mix. One of the things I’ve learned, is that several of the ladies came from neighborhoods where they were actively involved with ladies groups. As such, a variety of groups have popped up now. You can join a book club, a crafting group, a crochet/knitting club, or a group for parents of small children (if you fit that demographic). We even have a yoga instructor who does classes at the club house.

Recently, I joined a ladies group in my neighborhood for monthly Bunco games. What’s Bunco? Great question. I wasn’t sure either, but I heard it was fun and this group was small and private (only 12 women could participate, with the occasional substitute) so it seemed right up my social alley! I figured I could learn the details of it as I went. As it turns out, Bunco is an easy game to learn and a lot of fun. However, it did not start out quite that simple.

The first night consisted of twelve women meeting each other (some for the first time), learning the game (again, some for the first time), bringing food to share (not hard for any of us), eating/socializing (again, not hard for any of us), and then settling in to play the game. As several of us were new to the game, the host graciously spent the next few minutes explaining the rules. (It should be pointed out that she had also typed up the rules on a piece of paper at each table, put instructions on a small sign to tell us which table to go to when it was time to switch places, and color coded pencils for each table… yet still she had the patience to verbally explain the rules to us.)

It didn’t take long to realize that there are apparently many ways to play Bunco. After only a few minutes, several of the women interrupted the host to let her know that “that’s not the way” they played the game and some minor chaos then ensued.

Now, as someone who knew NONE of the rules, the ladies interrupting the host to point out the few differences they had with her rules was distracting and made it more confusing. Instead of a few simple rules to follow (with the printed out rules and directional signs already in place at the tables), it was turning into a more complicated process that had me questioning all the rules. At one point in the heated discussion, it seemed that all they could agree on was that the game was called Bunco and dice were involved.

As a big picture person, I walked away from the group while they discussed and debated the smaller details of how to keep score, how many dice you roll each time, and other things that didn’t interest me at all. I just wanted to know what rules were for THIS night so that we could get started and get to the fun part. Eventually, the group reached a consensus on how to play (which were the rules that the host had already put in writing on the tables) and the ladies who had voiced their opposing opinions walked away (albeit begrudgingly) to their appropriate tables and finally the fun started.

Despite the rocky start, all twelve of us had a great night playing and getting to know each other. We spent the next two hours laughing, talking, eating, and making new friends…which was important because part of joining this group means you made a twelve month commitment to show up the first Tuesday of the month to play and even hosting one of the meetings at your house. Everyone agreed that it was a fun night and we were looking forward to the next meeting. Some ladies even said they liked the new rules they learned that night and felt that it made the game easier to follow.

During an “intermission” from the playing, I struck up a conversation with one of the ladies who I knew was planning on starting a “read through the Bible in a year” program. As it was early in January, I assumed it would still be going along well. Surprisingly, she said it was not going well at all. She then explained to me that on day two of the reading, the Bible study leader made a statement that she didn’t agree with so she hasn’t been able to bring herself to continue to do it. (It shouldn’t surprise you that she was also one of the ladies arguing with the host on how to play Bunco… clearly she is a detail oriented person.) I listened to her concerns about the statement and then she asked me what I thought about it. Personally, I thought this detail was not a deal breaker, but I tried to be sensitive to where she was coming from. I was careful not to give her a direct answer (because I wanted to say “I think you’re being ridiculous”) opting instead to give a more careful, gentle answer. I explained to her that my way doing this study (this is my second time going through it) is to view things that the host says through a more broad lens. I look at it this way: does it affect my salvation? and/or is it heretical in nature? If the statement made by this teacher… or anyone… does not fall into those two categories for me, I am inclined to hear what the person says, but not to put too much weight on it if I disagree. She seemed shocked at this, but then followed up that shock with informing me that her past religious training is Catholic in nature which I took as meaning a more strict adherence to details. We were able to reach an agreement that if she were to continue in this study, she would have to give up a portion of that rigid religious background to get to the heart of the study. In fact, I even joked with her that she should start applying that mindset to the rules of Bunco while we’re playing. For the rest of the night, she would make a “zip the lip” sign when she would start to grumble… symbolizing that she was letting the differences go.

The unique thing about this particular Bible study is that your daily task is not to just read the passages. The main hook to this study is to find your “God shot” in the words. Let me tell you why that is important. By nature we are selfish and self serving. As we read the Bible, our natural bent is to look for how it applies to us: how can this make me better, what does God want me to learn about myself in this, how can I apply this to my husband/child/neighbor? However, when you change that perspective to where do you see GOD in these words, it changes your view completely. It causes you to back up and see the Bible as a panoramic picture, rather than zooming in on the details like a microscope. Suddenly, you can view the Bible as an overview for mankind and His beautiful plan for us (all of us) rather than cherry picking verses to suit a particular circumstance.

Whether it’s a Bible study or a Bunco game, we lose when we restrict ourselves to only seeing things our way. Had the group not been able to “agree to disagree” on a few details of the game, I would (possibly) have gone home and never wanted to play Bunco again. If my neighbor chooses to let minor differing of opinions on interpretations of the scripture hinder her ability to go through this study, she may miss out on an overall amazing experience with her Bible study journey. If we spend an excessive amount of time arguing over the smaller details of Christianity, we will forfeit the opportunity to reach a lost and dying world that don’t know the love of God or the sacrifice that Jesus made for them. They will watch us squabble with each other… or with them… and they will walk away without knowing there is more to life than what is right in front of them. We don’t have to hand them all the answers, we just have to show them to the One who does have all their answers. In fact, just like with the Bunco rules, the more rules and details we throw at someone in the beginning of their walk with Christ, the more confusing we make it for them.

Society is splintering faster and faster over details. Sadly, the church is one of the best examples of this. We debate with each other over details that are not deal breakers. We tear at each other over theological issues that are important in small circles, but not in the big picture that world needs to see. A person who is lost and drowning in sin or depression does not care (or need to care) if they were predestined or predetermined to be saved. They do not care about infant baptism versus immersion baptism. They are not interested in whether a female can preach over a congregation. We have to learn how to let go of distracting details and learn how to love others wholly by showing them the love of God. There will always be differing opinions on grey issues: speaking in tongues, divorce, consuming alcohol, being in church every Sunday, etc. Sometimes there are even bigger issues at play (politics strike a bell?), but when all we can do is debate why we’re right we lose sight of the big picture: loving others and showing them who Christ is in our lives.

The monthly Bunco night would have been a short lived concept if the individuals who disagreed with the rules had not been able to give up their preconceived notions of how the game should have been played. If they had insisted that the game could only be played their way and left, no one would have had a good time that night and the group could not have gone on as planned. I am thankful for the ladies who were able to have an open mind and broaden their view of the rules to include the new concepts that were introduced that night. They chose to walk in openness and laid down their pride to say “let’s try it this way” (even the ones who were not happy about playing a new way) because of the different rules didn’t change the actual integrity of the game overall.

I challenge you to look for ways you can be open with others in your everyday life. Actively look and pray for more ways to connect with others rather than only finding all the differences you have with them. Not every disagreement is a hill you need to die on. Some disagreements can be conversation starters and serve to open a door to healthy discussions. We can disagree on details while still playing together in the game of life. You may find that someone else’s rules in their game of life are actually easier to understand or change your view of something in a positive way.

From Buoy to Buoy

The sun was barely visible on the horizon…just a glimmer of pink and orange surrounded by an inky black sky. We walked out on the cool sand to watch the waves crash gently onto the shore. There was an anticipation in the air…nervous energy tempered with excitement and expectation.

Race day was here.

As start time came closer, one of the organizers called us, as a group, to come near so he could explain the details of the swim portion. There were two distances for the swim: one longer and one shorter. Since swimming is my weakest area of the triathlon, I listened intently to the instructions that were being given. He addressed how the course worked. There were five buoys in the water. They were huge triangle shaped buoys that were visible from the surface of the water, but were securely anchored to the ocean floor. The buoys were three different colors: two yellow, two orange, and one green. I looked out into the surf while he spoke and got a good visual of where the buoys were anchored at. I could see that the waves had picked up a bit, but the buoys were in place. Because our distance was shorter than the other race, we only had to swim out to the first orange buoy, turn right, swim past the green buoy (that marked the halfway), swim to the second orange buoy, turn towards shore, and then make it to shore. Got it, I thought to myself!

We lined up two by two and every three seconds a man simply said “go”. That was our signal to start: run from the starting flag to the water and then swim. No problem. I had just done a 2,000 meter ocean swim the week before with relative ease so I wasn’t worried about this measly 400 meter swim. I waited for my turn with an uncharacteristic excitement to start the race. It had been a long time since I had felt elation at the start of a race.

I lined up next to my stranger-partner and waited for our cue. When we heard the “go”, we both took off running on the sand. This was the fastest I had run into the ocean since I was child. The water was cooler than I had expected and I cursed myself a bit for not doing a warm up swim. My plan was to run until I couldn’t touch and then start swimming…just like I’d been practicing for the last several months. I felt a bit of pride that I was going to do so well on my first race.

Instead…I ran until I was blasted in the face with a huge wave. “What the…” I thought. These waves didn’t look that big from the safety of the shore. Maybe I just needed to get out from these first waves and then it would ease up. I ducked under the next wave and came back up ready to go. Only when I surfaced back, I was met in the face again with another large wave. And then another. And now I couldn’t touch the bottom. I could only see the waves and feel the current. And that’s when I felt it.

Pure panic.

Only this panic was different from the lake panic (see previous post about the open swim). The lake panic was a more controlled panic. In the lake, I knew I could stop. I knew I was in control. In the lake, my husband was right next to me on the paddle board, patiently waiting for me to get out of my head and calm down enough to swim. That water was calm and I was in control of the circumstances there.

THIS panic was not THAT panic at all.

I was on my own in these waters…and they were far from calm. I couldn’t stop the waves. Whether I liked it or not, they were coming… and they were not small. My first beach swim had soft, rolling waves that gently rocked us back and forth. They were easy to swim through and felt almost peaceful. These waves wanted to be sure we knew that they were there and that they meant business. I genuinely thought I may drown. And that’s not just hyperbole for this story. I started to fight the waves, but that just made me panic more. I tried to put my face in the water and swim, but I couldn’t catch my breath. My heart and lungs felt like they were competing against each other to see which could go faster. I pulled my head up to catch my breath and swallowed sea water…. again and again. I didn’t know how much sea water you could swallow before you drowned, but it seemed that I was going to find out.

After a few minutes of struggling and flailing in the water (which felt like hours), I decided to start some introspection. I had only a few options of how to proceed. I could swim to the finish. I could float to shore and quit. Or I could drown. With these as my options, I had some decisions to make. Since I’m no quitter and I wasn’t ready to die yet, my only real option was to pull myself together and SWIM.

Only….I couldn’t.

I could not put my face in the water because my breathing was so out of control. I lovingly kept saying to myself (both silently and out loud when I wasn’t taking in mouths full of water) “What the HELL is wrong with you?” “Get it together! Stop acting like you’ve never swam before!” “Stop panicking! You’re screwing it all up!” Over and over, I berated myself for not being more in control of my actions in this tumultuous water. But when I stopped the internal monologue of negativity, I remembered what the race organizer said…swim from buoy to buoy.

That was it. That was all I had to do. Just go buoy to buoy until I reached the end. I didn’t have to look like an Olympic swimmer…or even one of the multiple amateur swimmers next to me. All I had to do was get to the first buoy.

So I took my eyes off the waves, and set them on the first orange buoy. Despite the strong current and the choppy waves, it stood firm against the chaos. I doggy paddled towards it. I thought, if I could just get to that one, then I could turn and swim parallel to the shore and then I wouldn’t be swimming against the waves anymore. That would make it easier to finish.

I made it to the first buoy, turned right, and prepared to have a smoother swim. Only I didn’t. The waves were easier to swim parallel to (as opposed to against), but they were still strong and now I was tired from having fought with them. So I flipped over and back stroked for a bit. I kept thinking, “just get to the green buoy because that’s halfway and then you can talk yourself into finishing because you’ll already be halfway.” I switched between the back stroke and doggy paddling heading towards the green buoy…still panicked and still swallowing sea water…but still moving forward.

When I finally reached the green buoy, I wanted to cry…not tears of relief. Tears of frustration and fear and exhaustion. This wasn’t supposed to go like this. I trained. I prepared. I researched. I read multiple articles on triathlon training. I talked to everyone I knew that had done one before and asked for their advice. I swam and swam for months in preparation for this event…but here I was drowning in the conditions that I couldn’t have planned for and certainly couldn’t control.

And to top it off, I looked like a fool. All around me people with swim caps and goggles were swimming gracefully and strong. Stroke-stroke-breathe. Stroke-stroke-breathe. Meanwhile, I looked like someone who had never swam before and was taken from a nice warm bed then dropped in the cold ocean and forced to swim in shark infested waters. A feral cat swimming in the ocean would have looked more graceful than I did at that moment.

But, I kept going. Doggy paddle, back stroke, float… again and again… and before I knew it I was between the green buoy and the last orange buoy. All I had to do was get to the last buoy and turn towards the shore. Then I could use these rough waves to push me in until I could reach the bottom. Once I could feel the bottom, I could run through the water and onto the shore…and I KNEW how to do that. I just had to endure this unfamiliar territory until I could make my way back to the familiar.

That’s exactly what I did.

I let go of all the expectations I had set for myself for how I thought the swim portion should look like. I released the self imposed goals of how fast I thought I should have finished…or how strong I thought my strokes would be…or how peaceful I anticipated this part of the journey. Then I embraced the actuality of the rough waters, the unrelenting current, the panic that gripped my mind and body. I accepted that this swim was miserable…and hard…and unexpected. I relented to that fact that I wasn’t enjoying this at all. In the midst of what felt like defeat…while still swallowing ungodly amounts of sea water…I KEPT GOING. I reached that last buoy and I turned to shore. I NEVER once put my face fully in the water…except when a wave pounded into it. I didn’t take ANY strong, calculated strokes. I didn’t swim freestyle AT ALL. I did NOTHING in that water that I prepared for….except moving forward and I only managed to do that by keeping my eyes on the next buoy.

Here’s the thing….without hearing the instructions from the race coordinator and without those buoys for guidance…I would have been lost in the swim portion. Those buoys set the course and they provided a guide for me in waters that seemed like it would do me in. The buoys were in the same waters that I was in…the same current pulling at them. The same waves relentlessly crashing on them. But they were anchored to the solid ground below the rough surface. A strong, unseen source of strength kept them in place so they could do their job. They were anchored because their job was to be fixed in the circumstances. The same circumstances that I needed to move through…they needed to be still in…because that’s what they do. They provide guidance…they give the swimmers a solid, fixed point on which to focus…a certainty in the uncertain waters.

I don’t need to tell you that we are living in uncertain times. There is no shortage of chaos in everyone’s lives right now. Fear and confusion are rampant in all waters of our lives. You may be in the middle of your ocean swim now. Maybe you’re flailing in a situation that is out of your control. You did everything in your power to prepare for your race and you even listened to instructions and advice along the way. You did everything “right”, but the waves of life have come and crashed into your face and knocked you off balance. Every time you lift you head for air, you are greeted with another swallow of salt water…and you feel like you’re drowning. A divorce that you didn’t see coming. An adult child addicted to drugs or alcohol. The loss of a job. An eviction from a house. The constant calls from creditors. Another miscarriage. An unexpected diagnosis. An estranged relationship of a person you care deeply for. The death of a spouse. The death of a child. I am not here to offer nice words of encouragement or platitudes for circumstances in your life that are huge and scary and unfair and out of your control. What I AM here to tell you is…find your buoys.

In the race, there were two different distances for the swim because there were two different races taking place at the same time. My race was the shorter distance and marked with the orange and green buoys. The longer route not only had different colored buoys, but also a completely different set of instructions. We all had to find the correct color coded buoys or else we would have been doing the wrong route. I would have been in a (bigger) world of hurt if I had swam past the first orange buoy and out to the yellow one. If a swimmer from the longer race had followed the orange buoys, they would have been disqualified from their race. The specifics for each race mattered as much as the colored buoys themselves.

Your race is different from mine. Your circumstances are not my circumstances. Your buoys for life may also be different from mine. What brings you strength, peace, and guidance in your rough waters may not be the same as your friend’s…and that’s OK. It’s not my job to judge what grounds you…nor your job to critique what anchors me. What matters is that if I see you struggling in your waters then I help you find your buoys: those things in your life that you KNOW are true and grounded. Personally, I believe in prayer and am rooted in a Christian lifestyle (the best I can do). I know that when my waters are rough and unexpectedly hard, I can call on Jesus and he anchors me in the storm. I open my Bible or find a podcast to listen to. I pray or text a friend and ask them to pray for me. These are things that I lean on when I feel like I’m drowning in the waters around me. But that may not bring you peace. Family can be a buoy. Solid friendships can be a buoy. Your faith, whatever it is, may be a buoy. Look for the solid and unchanging things in your life and keep your eyes on them.

Then take it buoy to buoy until you are out of the rough, uncertain waters of life.

At the race, I finally got out of the water. I was beat up and scared and exhausted. I felt pickled inside from the all the salt water I had unintentionally consumed. But I didn’t drown and I didn’t quit. Once I finished swimming, I left it there. I ran from the ocean and towards my bike and running shoes. I leaned into the events that I knew I was better at and left the swimming results behind me. Lesson learned…and I would work harder on it another day, but for the rest of this day I would look forward to the road ahead of me and enjoy the rest of the race… and I was still able to place third in my age group despite starting with an event that I was sure was going to bring my demise.

You will get out of your waters and you will “place” in life too. You will get through your circumstances and get to the shore…back to your familiar. You will keep moving forward and not back: no matter what that looks like or how long it takes. You may feel foolish at times. You may be frustrated that things did not (or are not) going the way they were supposed to go. It may not seem fair that other people around you seem to be gliding along while you can barely keep your head above the water. And you may be right.

But…

If you keep your eyes on your buoys and not the waves you will come out of the waters and you will accomplish your goals. Just keep going. And when you’re out of the waters, leave it there. Don’t dwell on the “what could have” beens or “what should have” beens. Embrace the “what is” and look for the “what will be”. Then lean into the rest of your race and don’t forget to enjoy the ride.

“That day when evening came, he said to his disciples, ‘Let us go over to the other side.’ Leaving the crowd behind, they took him a long, just as he was, in the boat. There were other boats with him. A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped. Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, ‘Teacher, don’t you care if we drown?’ He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, ‘Quiet! Be still!’ Then the wind died down and it was completely calm. He said to the disciples, ‘Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?'” Mark 4:35-40

****I don’t usually add a post script on my blogs, but I feel strongly that I needed to say one thing here. I didn’t want to put it on the main blog because I didn’t want to take away from the general message of the story. But I think someone needs to hear this. I don’t know what your buoys are, but I know what is NOT a buoy for anyone: ANY political figure. Do not get caught up in this election season on either side. No matter what happens in America in November 2024 do not let yourself think a person in politics is your stronghold. Buoys are bigger than that.****

The Raised Flower Bed

Between my backyard and my neighbor’s yard is a wrought iron fence. As such, we can easily see into each others yards. In my neighbor’s yard, there is a large wooden raised flower bed. The wood is old and slightly rotting now. The bed is overgrown with grass and weeds No viable plants are growing from it…or even planted in it now. To anyone walking by it would just look like an old, neglected relic in an otherwise tidy yard.

But every time I look at it, I smile.

I remember when it was built. My neighbor (at the time) had her husband build it for her so she could grow tomatoes and zucchini and peppers. It flourished year after year…even in spite of the scorching Florida summer sun. We enjoyed comparing crops and sharing with each other what we would grow. I remember the year she couldn’t plant in it because she was so pregnant with her first child that she couldn’t comfortably tend to the garden. She and I would stand at the fence and laugh about how wonderful her garden of weeds was coming along. But soon, she had a little baby boy that ran all over the backyard and “helped” her in the garden. I loved watching him grow even more than watching the garden grow.

Those neighbors are long gone now. They moved back up north. Thankfully, the new neighbors have left the wooden bed in place. They haven’t planted anything in it yet because they, too, have little ones that keep them busy, but we stand at the same fence watching their little ones running around and talking about life. However, while we’re talking, I look at that old raised garden bed and enjoy the trip down memory lane the sight of it brings me. It reminds me that I can love and cherish old memories… while still making new ones too.

People will come and go in our lives. We have seasons of relationships like we have seasons of weather. Some seasons are mild and refreshing, like spring and fall. Others are more harsh and distinct, like summer and winter. But all seasons are necessary to keep balance in life. There are people who will gradually come into your life and then gradually leave without much of a disruption in your harmony. And then there are people whose presence you feel in a sharp and strong way… both coming and going.

When you feel a loss from someone in your life…whether a break up, a move, the end of a friendship, a divorce… the tendency can be to try and forget about them. We set up a defense mechanism in our minds, hearts, and emotions to pretend that season in your life didn’t matter…that they didn’t matter. And perhaps, for a time, you need to think that. Grief and loss can be tricky to navigate, especially if the reason for the loss is out of your control.

But the fact of the matter is that they WERE a part of your life. No matter how it ended, a portion of their life coincided with yours and it’s important to remember that. Even a bitter break up can be softened if you remember the lessons you learned. A friendship that has soured can still have fond memories of fun experiences you shared. That person you’re divorced from may have given you beautiful children. That loved one that has passed on gave you cherished memories that you’ve clung to.

Our lives are made up of our past experiences. We are who we are because of where we came from… and we weren’t alone in that journey. No one travels this world alone. We are interacting with others constantly and forming relationships of all different levels along the way. If you try and forget a piece of that journey, you are forgetting a piece of yourself. What may seem like therapeutic amnesia, will actually prolong your healing process. By pretending a relationship didn’t exist in your past because of the hurt it caused, you allow it to embed and fester in your psyche and it will come out in other ways…perhaps in other relationships. The sooner you can accept that this person was in your life (both good and bad)…. and the sooner you appreciate what they brought to your life … the sooner you will be healed and whole and ready for the next season.

It’s OK to wish an ex friend well and to remember how close you were. It’s OK to think of funny memories…or that you loved watching that one movie together…or even that you miss them from time to time. For a season, they mattered to you, and then it was time to let them go… for whatever reason. Forgive them for any wrongdoing… perceived or actual… and move on. But don’t forget about them. Remember the good times because those are important memories. Learn from the hard times because those are important lessons. Those memories…good and bad… helped bring you to where you are now… and that matters.

I hope my new neighbors leave that raised garden box in their yard and I hope they eventually get around to planting something in it. Until then, I will hold onto my memories of when it was flourishing and look forward to new crops…and new memories…in the future.

“Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy.” John 16:22

It Doesn’t Have to Suck

Several months ago, I was doing one of my favorite things: enjoying a run with my oldest daughter. We were in the middle of training for a half marathon that we were going to do on a girls trip weekend. The weather was good and the discussion was better. We had just found out that my youngest daughter was pregnant so we were talking about all the upcoming excitement: baby showers, a baby to play with, etc.

About midway through the run, she said, “I have some news for you, too.” As every mom does, I held my breath and waited for her to finish… a thousand scenarios flooding my mind with every second that passed. Slowly, she said, “Paul got a great job opportunity and we’re moving to Oregon.” For a minute, I couldn’t speak. Please note, we live in Florida. Oregon is not a short distance away. It’s not even “just a long drive” away. It’s a plane trip and a decent amount of planning away. And I was shocked.

I didn’t even know this was a possibility. It wasn’t as if he had been talking about looking for a new job. He wasn’t in the military where you would expect to have orders and then have to move. He wasn’t applying for colleges all over the country. When I say this came out of left field, that is exactly what I mean… there was no reason for me to think this was even something I needed to prepare for.

Needless to say, I had to end the run short so that I could process all the emotions I was having and not break down in front of her. Of course I was happy for her and her boyfriend. It was a great opportunity for him and a fun adventure for her, but it would leave a giant size hole for our family here.

We are a large family and are used to large family holidays and birthdays and vacations and day trips and family dinners. Especially family dinners. Years ago, we established the “monthly family gathering”. As the kids got older and started to move out, my husband and I prioritized needing to “lay eyes” on them at least once a month. We needed to talk to them and look them in the eyes on a regular basis to be sure they were really alright. There’s a value in face to face that you can’t get through a text message or even a phone call. Most months there was either a holiday or a birthday, so the monthly gatherings would just be whatever we were celebrating at that time. But in the off months, we would have an intentional family dinner.

As the news of her move settled down into my soul, I began to think of the monthly family gatherings and how that wouldn’t be a possibility anymore. This caused me to spiral down another emotional rabbit trail. It wasn’t that it was devastating. No one was dying and it wasn’t even bad news. It was just an unexpected and big change for us as a family that we were having a hard time adjusting to. And to be honest, I was a little angry that my family had to be broken up so that her boyfriend could have a new job (yes I know that’s selfish and self centered. It’s also honest).

While I was riding the roller coaster of emotions, I realized one thing. I am NOT responsible for the change, but I AM responsible for how I handle the change. I am allowed to have feelings about the move. I am allowed to wish the job was closer. I am allowed to take time to process all the emotions and to grieve the loss of what I thought our family dynamic was going to be and look like. But then, once I am done with all that, I have to figure out how to move forward with the change.

I was faced with a choice. I could be sad and selfish and pine for the old way…. the way I preferred for this to go. Or I could embrace the change and make the most of it. I chose the latter.

It took a few weeks of processing, but then I finally got myself into a good head space about it and did what I do best: I started planning!

I knew that the hardest part would be the lack of communication. The best part of the monthly meet ups was that I would hear all about each of their lives while we were together. Life is busy and the mundane day to day activities make it hard to stay in touch. If you aren’t careful, that lack of communication becomes a void you can’t traverse which is hard enough to combat when you live locally. Adding distance to this equation seemed a daunting task to overcome.

It was from this viewpoint, that the Family Book Club was born.

I racked my brain about how to keep the communication and tightness going, while embracing the distance. I had recently joined a few local book clubs and I loved how we discussed the books, and then also discussed life. I thought, let’s embrace this process and use the format we all learned during the pandemic: the Zoom meeting! The premise became: we pick a book to read and a movie to watch (for those who don’t enjoy reading). Then, join the Zoom meeting to discuss our thoughts and opinions on both…. and the rest of the time is spent getting caught up on each others lives. It’s not the same thing as an in person meet up, but it’s close enough for now and it lessens the sting of the distance!

There are so many people going through unexpected circumstances. I have read posts from people dealing with cancer diagnoses, tragic car accidents, unexpected medical emergencies, divorces, etc. I know that my example of an unexpected circumstance is so mild compared to what others are going through. I don’t pretend that it compares. But I do know that no matter how great or small your tragedy is, you will have to learn how to mold it into your life somehow. Whether it is something benign like a vacation that has gone awry or tragic like a cancer diagnosis, it is up to you how you process it. And there is no right or wrong way. You have to do it your way… the way that makes the most sense to you.

You may not be responsible for the changes in your life that you’re dealing with, but you are responsible for how you choose to process them. One thing that we’ve all learned is that life is not fair, but it doesn’t have to suck either. You are the master of that fate. Learning to accept a situation… exactly as it is… takes the pressure off of trying to force outcomes in your life.

I have heard it said many times that the Lord won’t remove the storm from your life, but He will walk through it with you. There is a peace in that perspective, a comfort in the knowledge that you don’t have to try to manipulate outcomes or circumstances in order to find peace and joy. Both peace and joy are internal monologues that can remain steady in any storm with the right mindset. It’s ok if those aren’t your first reactions to news. You’re allowed to feel fear, worry, anger, sadness, or stress when faced with the unexpected and unknown. You’re free to walk through the process of grief at your own pace without judgement. But eventually, you will have to create your own solution to your new reality. You will have to find a way to make it not suck.

“The Lord himself goes before you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” Deuteronomy 31:8

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7

Upward Dog

Mountain pose. Fold forward. Half lift. High plank. Upward dog. Downward dog.

Over and over the yoga instructor called these poses out as she walked slowly around the room. The incredibly hot room. She would add on extra moves and sequences, but would always bring us back to this series of moves…almost like a restart before we moved on with the more complicated poses.

Normally, those moves are the easiest for me to do in a yoga class. They are familiar to my mind and body. I don’t have to think about moving through them…even when I am dripping with sweat from every pore in my body. No matter how tired I become, that sequence is almost comforting to me because of the familiarity of it.

However, the other day, I could not do the upward dog motion. It hurt the left side of my lower back. I tried it several times and the result was the same. The calm reassurance that sequence would usually bring me was causing a bit of stress because of the pain. It wasn’t a muscle tightness pain that just needed to be worked out. It was a warning pain…as in stop doing this movement because you’re hurting me…and that got my attention.

I am newer to yoga. I have only recently started to incorporate it into my life. When I first started it, I would look around the room and compare where I was in my flexibility (or even ABILITY) to do the poses. I would feel defeated if I couldn’t get into a pose that seemed so easy for the person next to me. At one class, I said to a woman, who I had just been introduced to, that “I’m not very good at yoga.” She looked right at me and said, “That’s not a thing. Being ‘good’ at yoga is in your mind. It is your own practice with your own body. We are all ‘good’ at it in our own way. There is no competition in it.” With this realization (and it was a massive, eye opening revelation to me), I never compared my practice to anyone else in the room again.

One of the statements that I hear repeated in any yoga class I’ve taken is “if that’s for you today, take it. If it’s not in your grasp today, leave it there.” They are referring to the pose that they’ve just called out for the class…and it is truly liberating when they phrase it that way. There is no judgement or condemnation for anyone in the class who can’t do the ‘birds of paradise’ pose or who needs to drop back to ‘child’s pose’. You are accepted if you can keep up with the pace of the class or if you just need to lay on the mat and sweat it out for a bit. You are celebrated for showing up and bringing what you have to offer to yourself and your health that at that moment.

This is where I found myself in class the other day. Upward dog was simply not available to me in this timeframe. For whatever reason, this very simple move hurt. I didn’t overthink the pain. I didn’t obsess over why I couldn’t do it. I didn’t berate myself for not being able to do a simple move. I just skipped it and said to myself, “That’s not mine for today.” And sometimes in life, we need to tell ourselves that some situations are not yours for this timeframe.

There are times in your life when something is “not in your grasp”. Things that have been comfortable and familiar suddenly feel awkward and out of place. They may be causing pain or discomfort and you just can’t understand why. It may be a job or a relationship or a friendship or a thought process that just feels out of step to you in this season of your life. You keep trying to make it work. You keep comparing yourself to the others “in the room” and it’s causing you discomfort or stress. It could be something that has brought you peace in the past, but now is causing strife. Don’t question the pain, simply let go of it for now. It does not mean that it won’t be available to you in the future, but for now it needs to be released.

For a season, I walked away from church because of this. It was not in my grasp at that time. I was disillusioned by some things I had witnessed/heard/ experienced and resentful towards Christians. I have been around churches and church people my entire life so walking away from that was scary and foreign to me. My reasons for this are personal, but the feelings are sadly more universal than I realized.

While I went through this season (and it lasted for years), I talked to people who have had similar feelings and stories. People are mad at the church (as a whole) for their perceived callousness towards the world. Christians are viewed as elitists. “Christians think they have sole possession of God and no one else is allowed to have him.” “Christians only care about my soul, but not my life.”

And this judgment extends to people in the Christian church, too. We must use the right Christian-ese and have the exact same view points, or we may be shunned from the church society. We’ll be prayed for, but not tolerated, in certain church circles. All “profound truths” of the Bible must be understood and put in practice, everyday, or else you will have to try harder to be let back in the fold. There is no grace for “if that’s not for you today leave it”. You must accept what is told to you, or move on. Your practice must match up to everyone else’s.

During my church sabbatical, I did not walk away from Jesus, just the church and it’s people. I did not pray or read my Bible like I use to, but I didn’t dismiss Christ. I just needed time to process my feelings towards his church and some of things I had seen and experienced over the years. For decades, I had held certain things as fact because I had heard it from the pulpit or from someone that I had considered wiser than I in the ways of the Lord. As I walked through this season, the Holy Spirit was quiet, but not in an isolating way…more like a parent who is watching their child explore. I felt his presence in a reassuring, but not smothering, way. I felt many viewpoints that I had held as fact, fall away or soften. I saw people and situations completely differently than I had before. (Just like when that woman changed my perspective on yoga). I stopped judging the outside of a life (whether good or bad) and started to see that most people are doing their best and we are all approaching life from different angles and have different practices. I also accepted that sometimes a belief or principle is just not available to everyone at all times.

Sometimes, people have to drop back to the ‘child’s pose’ of life because the strength for the ‘birds of paradise’ pose is just not available to them right now.

For the record, I have done the ‘upward facing dog’ pose since that class with no pain. I still don’t know why my back hurt that day or what kept me from that simple pose. I still don’t care. I’ll go back to class next week and carry on with the poses available to me…with the practice available to me that day. I am also back in church. But with fresh eyes and a softer heart. I listen to the sermons and let the Holy Spirit tell me what’s mine to take that day and what I need to leave for another day. And I extend that grace to others as well.

“In the same way, the Spirit also helps us in our weakness, since we do not know how to pray as we should. But the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans too deep for words, and the one who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, for the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to God’s will. And we know that for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose, all things are working together for good.” Romans 8:26-28

The Bird Feeder

I have a flower bed in my backyard, under a large tree, just outside of my bedroom window. My favorite thing to do in the morning is to open my curtains and look at this flower bed. I have several types of plants, flowers, and vegetables growing that provide an appealing visual presentation every morning. This spring I decided that I wanted to add some life to my garden besides just plants and flowers…so I decided to start a bird and butterfly garden in this space.

Initially, I added a single bird feeder and filled it with seeds. For the first few days I didn’t have any birds visit it. Then suddenly there was a plethora of birds attacking the feeder and emptying it of seeds within a few hours. So I added another feeder. And then another. Soon I had 8 feeders that were full of chirping, feathery friends everyday….depleting the bird seed at an astounding rate of speed. We were having to restock large bags of bird seed at least once a week to keep them all fed. It was fun to watch them everyday and learn their patterns. We added two bird baths and multiple hummingbird feeders….then joked that we had created a bird mecca for the feathered masses.

This went on all throughout the spring and summer. I developed a morning routine of dragging out the heavy bag of seed and filling each of the feeders as early in the morning as I could so that I wouldn’t disturb them during the day once they began to eat. I would sit with my cup of coffee and watch them take turns on the feeders and in the bath and try to figure out what species of birds they were….listening to their chirps and songs.

Then suddenly it stopped. The bird seed in the containers sat untouched for days. They began to sprout vegetation from the wet leftover seeds and I realized the birds had not been eating there for quite sometime. There was no change to the outside world. It was fall in Florida which meant NOTHING…absolutely no difference in our hot, humid, muggy temperatures. The tree had not lost any leaves and the length of daylight had not yet adjusted. We had not moved the position of the feeders or changed the brand of bird seed…but they were gone.

A few weeks later, the temperatures dropped and fall weather came…even to Florida…and it hit me. The birds knew this was coming. Despite all the external variables being the same, their internal instincts told them it was time to move on. Cooler weather was on the way…and even though there was no tangible proof of that…they trusted their instincts and flew on to their next destination. They had to leave the comfort of my tree with the predictability of the feeders and luxury of the bird baths in order to venture out and find their next safe haven. Their surroundings showed them a false security and comfort in known circumstances, but their quiet instinct guided them into an unknown area of actual safety.

How many of us cling to a “known circumstance” because it’s comfortable and familiar…even though something inside of us is sending a warning to leave over and over again? We can sense the change in the environment, even before we can see it…but we ignore it because we are afraid of the unknown. We would rather sacrifice our inner peace than to disrupt our outer pattern. Yet we know it’s time to move on. We make excuses and we cling to what we know…so afraid of what change will bring.

However, it’s a new season…and that’s not a bad thing…but it can be scary and uncertain. There will be a new tree….with new feeders…and a fresh bird bath waiting for you at your next destination…if you are brave enough…and wise enough to fly away.

Matthew 6: 26-27: 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life.

Cauliflower Mac and Cheese

One of my children has an extraordinary culinary palate.

This is parent code for he is an extremely picky eater.  He has always been a difficult child to feed from the time that solid foods were added to his diet.  He is sensitive to tastes, smells, textures, and temperatures of foods.  And on top of that he is stubborn.

As a young child, if he decided he didn’t want to eat something…he didn’t eat it.  No amount of coaxing, convincing, yelling, or punishment would change his mind.  After several months of struggles and arguments, we took the easy route and began to cave to his desires because it was simply easier to give him what he wanted.  Unfortunately, this lead to a limited diet of chicken nuggets, fries, and macaroni and cheese.

I would love to say that any macaroni and cheese would do, but then I would be lying.  His unique taste buds only wanted the “gourmet“ Kraft macaroni and cheese.  The kind where you add the cooked pasta to a pouch of dry cheese powder…and then add butter and milk.  It wasn’t even the decadent Velveeta mac and cheese….where at least you had an overly pasteurized, thick, gooey cheese-like substance that you melted into the pasta.  I would at least understand why he would want that one.

We did eventually get his eating habits under control (that’s a story for another day). However, he is still able to differentiate certain tastes and textures of food…which I learned the hard way one day when he asked me to make him some macaroni and cheese for lunch.  I had recently purchased Kraft’s new product: macaroni and cheese made with cauliflower added to the pasta.  This was a win-win situation in mind.  He still got his powdered cheese goodness…and I got to sneak some vegetables into the mix.

I made the dish…discreetly threw away the box in the outside trash can (so he couldn’t see it)…and served him his lunch.  I busied myself with cleaning the dishes and making small talk with him while he took his first bite.  Out of the corner of my eye I watched him begin chewing with his usual excitement for his food….then slow his chewing…and finally push the bowl away.  “This isn’t the real thing, Mom.”  He looked at me with such disappointment.  He knew that I was trying to give him a counterfeit of the lunch he was expecting…of the real macaroni and cheese that he wanted.

I looked at my child, in utter disbelief that in one bite he could tell the difference in the pasta….even though it was still covered in the same powdered cheese, milk, and butter as the other one.  In that moment, the Holy Spirit revealed a truth to me about this generation coming up.

They can tell the difference between real love and counterfeit love.

There is no denying that our society is in a desperate state.  It is angry, jealous, self seeking, fake, depressed, and out of control.  There are few absolutes anymore.  Right and wrong are subjective.  People don’t want “organized religion”.  They want to live their lives as they want…with no rules or moral absolutes…no “heavenly power” dictating how they are supposed to live or mandating their thoughts and actions.

As Christians, we watch the behaviors of society…in particular the younger generations…and wonder how to reach them for Christ.  It is tempting to try and preach to them the way we were preached to….presenting the black and white facts from the Bible that were given to us.  And for some people, that would work.

But for so many people growing up in this lukewarm moral mentality…and blatant aggression towards Christian principles…this approach pushes them away.  They are not interested in Jesus…or “organized religion”.  In fact, when it is brought up…their faces change and you can sense the tension in the conversation.  It can be so frustrating to see someone so sad, lost, depressed, angry, confused, or isolated…knowing that Jesus is the answer to their problems…and yet not be able effectively communicate this to them because of their hardened hearts.

However, this shouldn’t surprise…or even disappoint you.  You should be expecting this.  Jesus told us that in the end times many would become easily offended and hate one another (1).  And when you continue reading that same passage you see that the increased lawlessness causes love to grow cold (2).  So as you scroll through angry Facebook posts…or watch the depressing new stories…or hear about the desperate struggles that people are dealing with…you must remember one thing:  we are called to love.

Jesus said that love is the greatest commandment:  love for him and love for others (3).  If you demonstrate a genuine love to others…they will see Jesus.  We MUST love this generation…and the ones coming up….with a true, selfless love.  Not a love just to “get them saved”.  Not a love that we post about on Facebook.  Not a self serving love that you hang over them…or even smother them with.  It must be a love that cares about them as a person.  A love that loves the angry…the desperate…the melancholy…the depressed…the atheist…the homosexual…the bully…the abused…the old….the young…the lonely…the obnoxious…the Democrat….the Republican…the nosy neighbor…the rude…the selfish…the orphan…the widow…the ones who looks like you…and the ones that don’t.

But here’s the catch….genuine love is given with no expectation of changing that person.  You don’t love them just to get them to church…or get them saved.  You love them where they are in life….exactly as they are…with no strings attached.  All the while, you are loving Jesus with your whole heart and serving Him…and then you let Him work out the details of the relationship.  If you are loving them authentically….they know it.  They will open up to you about the things in their life that need to change when they learn to trust your motivation towards them.  In those moments, the Lord will open up the door for effective communication to take place…and He can do more in those private conversations than any amount of preaching would have done.

And if you aren’t loving them the real way…they will know it.  They will push you away like my son pushed that bowl of mac and cheese away.  He would rather skip lunch and go hungry than to eat the “fake” pasta…and this generation would rather cling to the familiar offenses and burdens weighing them down…than to deal with the fake “Christianese” and judgments they are used to.

It’s time to step up and dare to love others…with a radical, selfless love…and break the chains the enemy is using to keep generations of people desperate and isolated.

  1. Matthew 24:10
  2. Matthew 24:12
  3. Matthew 22:37-40

Google Maps

Our family loves to go on road trips.  We like to avoid highways and take the back roads, when possible.  It can sometimes take longer, but it is usually much more interesting!   We love to see the houses and businesses in a particular area we are travelling through.  We like to try and eat in restaurants that we would miss if we stayed on the main highways.

On these trips, my husband and I each have a role:  he drives, I navigate.  I normally use Google maps on my smart-phone.  It allows me to see any traffic delays coming up (dark red lines) and gives me ample time to find a detour route, if needed.  It also helps me find gas stations and restaurants on the way so we’ll know exactly when to stop.  Many times we have to make several small adjustments on the back roads in order to get to a main road…and precision in directions is absolutely vital to making sure that we don’t end up on an unwelcome detour route…that would take us out of the way of our final destination.

We’ve been travelling this way for years and we each know our role very well.  My husband trusts my instructions:  “in two miles we’re going to turn right”, “start to slow down”, “we’re going to veer left in a few minutes”.  He hears the directions and changes course right on time.  He trusts me to guide us to the right destination…at just the right time…and to navigate through any unexpected delays.  He knows I’m looking ahead for needed changes in our direction…or for necessary provisions (food, gas, rest stops, etc.)

Recently, we took a trip and I decided I would drive for a little while to give my husband a break from driving.  It was a seven hour drive so I thought it would break up the monotony of the road for both of us.  This obviously changed our roles…and didn’t seem like it would be that big of a deal.  Oh, but it was…

I was used to seeing where we were going…looking ahead…knowing exactly what was coming up….and knowing exactly how long it would take to reach each destination.  I knew the exit numbers, how many miles to reach the exit, the approximate time of our destination (both the final destination and the side stops along the way).  I was used to being in control of the navigation portion of our trips…and this new role of holding the steering wheel, looking out at a strange and unfamiliar road, waiting for my husband’s voice to say “turn here”…”slow down”….or “veer left”…was unnerving me!  I felt stressed and uncomfortable in the driver seat without being able to see my Google map app on my phone.

It wasn’t that I didn’t trust my husband’s ability to read Google maps…it was simply that I am used to being in control of the directions.  I needed to know exactly how long until I turn…or how much longer will we be on this particular road…what exit am I looking for….is there any traffic coming up that I can’t see yet?  When the road in front of us was long and straight…with no direction changes in sight…I was fine.  However, when stop lights….or frequent turns were needed…I would stress.  “Is he going to tell me in time?”  “Am I going to make the turn …or go the right way?”  “What if he forgets to tell me to turn and we miss it?”  One wrong turn on a certain road can sometimes take a long time to correct.  If there isn’t a place to turn around right away, you can have to travel miles and miles in a wrong direction just to get back to the right road.  STRESS!!!

In that moment I realized that I don’t just do that with my husband during a trip…I do it with God all the time.  I am comfortable when I have a plan for my life.  When I can see the destination that I’ve planned for myself.  I like when I think I have control of an outcome in any particular area of my life:  my job, my kids, my marriage, my friends, my finances, where I live, etc.  I like to know exactly what is coming at me….and where exactly I’m going.

The Lord puts us in the driver seat of our lives.  He sits right next to us and the Holy Spirit has the “Google map” of our lives very nicely displayed on his “smart device”.  He quietly whispers to us “slow down” or “veer right” and for the most part we listen.  We are able to cruise down the road…with relative ease….as long as our car is going in the direction that feels right to us.

But sometimes we have to make several turns in order to get to the next “main road” in our lives.  This is when we realize how out of control we really are.  Our job changes.  Our children make decisions that we don’t agree with…or that we can’t fix.  We get divorced.  Our friend group changes.  We have to move.  Cancer strikes.  A heart attack takes someone unexpectedly.  Suddenly, we aren’t just cruising down a straight, comfortable road.  We are turning and veering…and everything is uncomfortable and foreign.  STRESS!!!

It is at this moment…when we least want to…that we have to trust the still small voice of the Holy Spirit.  He saw this detour coming even when we didn’t.  He was aware of the dark red traffic line that was in our future and has already planned out an alternate route.  We didn’t see it….but He did…and He already made the necessary adjustments to get us to our destinations.

Keep listening…keep driving….and He’ll keep guiding.  Veer, turn, and slow down on command…and you will arrive at your destination right on time!

“I will lead the blind by a way they did not know, I will guide them on paths they have not known.  I will turn darkness to light in front of them and rough places in to level ground.  This is what I will do for them, and I will not forsake them.”  Isaiah 42:16

 

 

 

 

Just Keep Going

There were four American women predicted to win Boston:  Shalane Flanagan, Jordan Hasay, Molly Huddle, and Desi Linden.  Flanagan…who had just won the NYC marathon months before.  Hasay…who had run two impressive marathons and came in with the fastest PR for a marathon of the four of them.  Huddle…who set a record in a previous NYC marathon.  And Linden…who had never won a marathon before, but had completed 14 of them.  Of the four of them, Linden had been given the lowest chance of winning by “the experts”.

The night before the race, Hasay dropped out because of a stress fracture to her heel found on an MRI.  So then there were three.

Starting temperatures at the race were COLD…and it was rainy….and windy.  As the race went on, it got colder…and wetter…and windier.  The camera lens recording the runners had constant rain streaks coming down it.  At times, you could barely make out the runners because of the sheets of rain pouring down on them.  Several miles into the race, Flanagan stopped for a restroom break (practically unheard of for an elite runner during such an important race).  Linden slowed her pace and waited for Flanagan to help her catch back up to the lead pack.

The race continued in this unprecedented weather.  As it got colder and wetter, more and more runners backed off and slowed down.  All but one female runner seemed to succumb to the hypothermia attempting to take over.  Huddle had dropped back in the pack along with Flanagan.  At the end of mile 21, Linden made her move and overtook the only female between her and the finish line.  She passed her competitor and literally never looked back for the final miles.  All the way down the homestretch, she kept her eyes forward, her arms pumping, her legs turning, and her concentration strong…all the way through the tape at the finish line! She won her first marathon and became the first American woman to win Boston in 33 years!

When asked about her win in the post race interviews, Linden was humble…and honest.  She admitted that at miles 2, 3, and 4 she wanted to drop out.  She only stayed in the race to help out the other runners who were predicted to beat her: Flanagan and Huddle.  The funny part was that the more she gave of herself to help others succeed, the more strength she gained for herself.  She said that at one point she looked around and she suddenly realized that she was in third or fourth place so she just “kept going” rather than dropping out.  She was not the fastest…or the best trained…or the most fit…or even the most determined….she was simply the one that kept going when everyone else dropped back.

We all have seasons in our lives that feel like this Boston marathon.  Times of unprecedented turmoil.  “Weather” that pours down on our minds and souls without stopping.  Struggles that make us feel like dropping out and taking a DNF (did not finish).  You “trained” for one set of circumstances, but life delivered a totally different set of circumstances that you weren’t expecting….and you had to choose.  Drop out or keep going.  You really only have one choice in this life though…you have to keep going.  There’s no second chance…no alternate option.

You may feel like this is not supposed to be happening to you…at least not this way or at this time, but God sets our course.  He is aware of your struggles and challenges long before you are and He has prepared the way for you.  He has prepared YOU for this season more than you realize.  You just have to learn to trust Him through the process and know that He has not forsaken you.

If you are going through your own personal “Boston Marathon”, keep your eyes forward, your arms pumping, your legs turning, and your concentration on Jesus.  He’ll pull you through….all the way through the tape at the finish line!

“I returned, and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet the bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favor to men of skill, but time and chance happen to them all.”  Ecclesiastes 9:11 KJV

“The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” Deuteronomy 31:8 NIV

Lazy River

Summers in Florida are the best of times…and the worst of times.  Lazy, carefree summer days with family and friends.  Fun filled vacations to the beach or an amusement park make the season go by quickly and fill it with fantastic memories.

The heat in Florida, however, is unrelenting…especially in July and August…and this often dictates what kind of entertainment you pursue.  Our family is very fond of indoor activities…or water parks…at this point in the summer.  One of our favorite parts in a water park is the lazy river.

The lazy river is exactly what it sounds like…a man made river attraction filled with cool, clear, chlorinated water that you are supposed to float around…lazily…in an inflated tube.  They have a slow flowing current to keep you moving so that you can simply relax, cool off, and enjoy the scenery while you are moved without any effort on your part.

Unless, of course, you bring a 3-year-old with you into the lazy river.  In this case, the lazy river is no longer an easy, relaxing ride in the water.  The 3-year-old…mine, in particular… does not understand the concept of laying back and letting the current move you.  He is partial to walking in the water…preferably against the current, jumping off of the float, and hanging onto the side of the river to see how long he can hold on…until he eventually grows tired, lets go, and then starts the process all over again.  At the end of the ride, he is worn out and ready for a nap…when he could have been rested and energized for the rest of the day.

We try and tell him to just relax and let the water move him…but he fights it.  He wants to go at his own pace and do his own thing…despite the fact that he would enjoy the gentle floating as much as the boisterous playing that he is engaged in…and both actions would allow him to end up at the exact same spot at the end of the ride.

On our most recent trip to a nearby water park, I was watching him struggle to hang onto the concrete side of the river…fighting against the current and clinging to the wall that he could have been calmly floating by…and I realized that is what so many of us look like to God during our trying times.

During our struggles in this life, the Lord has promised to be with us.  He has promised that if we lift up our cares to Him…our finances, our children, our future, our spouses, our jobs, our health…He will take care of us.  In Matthew 6, we are told to not worry about tomorrow, but to seek His kingdom.  In 1 Peter 5, we are told to cast our cares on Him because He cares for us.  Yet, we worry and we hold onto our anxieties…we jump off of our spiritual floats, we fight against the spiritual flow, and we hold onto the walls of our trials rather than floating on the river of God and letting Him work out the situations.  He means for our walk with Him to be refreshing (remember that whole “yoke being easy and burden light verse”?)…but we turn it into a struggle that leaves us exhausted and tired and frustrated.  We try to do all we can in a situation…then when that fails…or makes the problem worse…we finally pray and ask the Lord to take over.  In reality, we need to pray first and lift it up before Him…then trust Him to work it out to our good.

Let go of the wall.  Get back on the float and let the river of God refresh you today.  Lay back, cast your care, and enjoy the cool, crisp river that He has placed you in through His holy spirit.  Stop struggling against the current and let the lazy river move you.

“For thus saith the Lord, ‘Behold, I will extend peace to her like a river, and the glory of the Gentiles like a flowing stream…'” Isaiah 66:12a (KJV)

Scripture references:

Matthew 11:30

Matthew 6:34

1 Peter 5:7