Soft Skills & Emotional Intelligence

“That’s total BS!” How to keep your cool when criticized in a meeting. “That’s utter nonsense,” my colleague said in a meeting during my time at easyJet – the UK equivalent of ‘you suck.’ As much as I wanted to hit back, I knew it wasn’t the smart thing to do, so I bit my tongue and said nothing - not my proudest day. Today I know there are better ways, and I teach them in my communications coachings for leaders. These 7 are my favs: 1/ 𝐀𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐞 (𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐢𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲) ↳ “I hear you – we could have done better, and we are working on it.” ↳ This disarms the critic and takes the wind out of their sails. 2/ 𝐏𝐮𝐬𝐡 𝐁𝐚𝐜𝐤 (𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐩𝐨𝐢𝐬𝐞) ↳ “That’s one way to see it. Here’s another.” ↳ Calm confidence beats emotional defensiveness. 3/ 𝐀𝐬𝐤 𝐚 𝐂𝐥𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐟𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐐𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 ↳ “Could you give me an example?” ↳ Invite feedback. You take control and appear curious. 4/ 𝐔𝐬𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 “𝐀𝐁𝐂” 𝐓𝐞𝐜𝐡𝐧𝐢𝐪𝐮𝐞 ↳ Answer briefly. Bridge to your key message. Communicate what really matters. ↳ “That’s fair, but what matters more is this…“ 5/ 𝐑𝐞𝐟𝐫𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐈𝐭 ↳ “Cost is important, but let’s look at the impact…” ↳ Use tough feedback as a spotlight for your core message. 6/ 𝐔𝐬𝐞 𝐢𝐭 ↳ “Thank you, I will take it into consideration.” ↳ If it hurts, it may reveal an insight. Focus on what’s useful, not what’s hurtful. 7/ 𝐂𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐄𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐃𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞 ↳ Don’t take it personal – because it isn’t. See the bigger picture and keep your cool. You 𝐜𝐚𝐧’𝐭 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐥 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐬𝐚𝐲. But you do control how you respond. - - - - ♻️ Repost to help others, too. And follow Oliver Aust for more on leadership communications. ♟️ Want to become a top 1% communicator? Reach out here: https://lnkd.in/dc-TBhZU

Most people are taught how to be high performers. But too few are taught how to perform in a team. And that’s a problem, because in most roles, you’re not an individual contributor. You’re part of a larger entity, working with others to build something. Yet, I see founders spend hours refining their product or systems,  But don't devote time to team development. At HomeServe, I approached team performance with purpose,  And it was one of the best decisions I made. Here are 7 tools I’ve used (and still use) to build high-performing teams,  Based on real lessons from building a £4.1bn business: 1️⃣ Start With Why (Simon Sinek) ↳ Before you focus on what or how...get clear on why. WHAT – The product you sell or the service you provide HOW – What makes you different WHY – Your deeper purpose or belief Every great team needs a reason to get out of bed in the morning. 2️⃣ The 70-20-10 Rule (McCall, Lombardo & Eichinger) ↳ How people actually learn on the job: 70% from challenging experiences 20% from coaching and mentoring 10% from formal training Most teams over-invest in training, and under-invest in real development. I'm amazed at how few founders or CEOs have a coach or mentor. 3️⃣ The Trust Triangle (Frances Frei, Harvard) ↳ Trust isn’t built with perks. It’s earned in three ways: Authenticity – Are you real? Logic – Do your decisions make sense? Empathy – Do you care? Without trust, you can’t build speed or loyalty. 4️⃣ The 5 Stages of Team Development (Tuckman Model) 1. Forming – Team gets together 2. Storming – Conflicts surface 3. Norming – Ground rules form 4. Performing – Results roll in 5. Adjourning – Project ends or evolves Don't panic during ‘storming’. It’s necessary friction. 5️⃣ The Johari Window (Luft & Ingham) ↳ Self-awareness is a team sport. Open – You know, they know Hidden – You know, they don’t Blind Spot – They know, you don’t Unknown – No one knows (yet) This helps surface feedback, build confidence, and avoid surprises. 6️⃣ The Energy/Impact Matrix (Inspired by McKinsey) ↳ Map every team member’s impact vs. energy. Use it to: Make smart hiring/firing decisions Spot burnout early Retain high performers High-performing teams don’t tolerate drift. 7️⃣ The RAPID Decision-Making Model (Bain & Company) ↳ High-performing teams make fast, clear decisions. Recommend – Suggest the course of action Agree – Those who must sign off Perform – Executes the decision Input – Provides relevant facts or opinions Decide – Final decision-maker This clears up delays, dropped balls, and blame. Building a great team is about building an environment where talent can actually thrive. I go deeper into team-building in my new book. Order it today: https://lnkd.in/eRYDKXdT ♻️ Repost if you believe team performance should be built, not assumed. And for more on how I scaled teams to build a £4.1bn business, Follow me Richard Harpin.

I’ve hired 90+ high performers in the last 3 years. Here are 8 rare traits I see in every high performer: 1. Grit This one’s a non-negotiable. What is it? • Ability to persist through obstacles • Strength to bounce back from failure • Tenacity to keep pushing, no matter the challenge Hard work is common. Grit is rare. 2. Relentless Resourcefulness Some people find a way no matter how “impossible” it seems. They are innovative problem solvers. They have the conviction that there's always a solution. These are the people we want. They’re like water. They find a path around any obstacle. 3. Optimism Entrepreneurship is a roller coaster. Having optimistic people on your side is a massive mental boost. Optimistic people don't see roadblocks; they see stepping stones to success. Their energy is electrifying and infectious. A must-have when the going gets tough. 4. Constant Learning The ROI on constant learners compounds. In a fast-moving world, learning and adapting is essential. These hires: • Seek feedback • Expand their skills • Stay curious and hungry Train them well, and they'll give you an infinite return on your investment. 5. Not Being an Asshole It might sound simple, but it's vital. I don’t care how smart, hardworking, or optimistic you are. If you don’t: • Show empathy • Collaborate well • Treat others with respect I don’t want you on my team. Period. 6. Fun to Be Around I need people that I like spending time with. Work can be intense. Having people who bring: • Positive energy • A sense of humor • A lightness to the office Makes a world of difference. When we make work feel like play, we're unstoppable. 7. Growth Mindset This one is foundational. I need someone who: • Embraces challenges as growth opportunities • Believes abilities and intelligence can be developed People with a growth mindset get obsessed with the process. Not fixated on the outcome. 8. Enjoys Responsibility I need my team to take on responsibility. I don’t want to chase people down. If they: • Take ownership of their work • Care about doing a good job We'll perform better. And I’ll have way more breathing room and feel more at ease. — Enjoy this? ♻️ Repost it to your network and follow Matt Gray for more. Want to learn how to become a high performer? Join our community of 172,000+ subscribers today: https://lnkd.in/eSrfMfWx 

I was shadowing a coaching client in her leadership meeting when I watched this brilliant woman apologize six times in 30 minutes. 1. “Sorry, this might be off-topic, but..." 2. “I'm could be wrong, but what if we..." 3. “Sorry again, I know we're running short on time..." 4. “I don't want to step on anyone's toes, but..." 5. “This is just my opinion, but..." 6. “Sorry if I'm being too pushy..." Her ideas? They were game-changing. Every single one. Here's what I've learned after decades of coaching women leaders: Women are masterful at reading the room and keeping everyone comfortable. It's a superpower. But when we consistently prioritize others' comfort over our own voice, we rob ourselves, and our teams, of our full contribution. The alternative isn't to become aggressive or dismissive. It's to practice “gracious assertion": • Replace "Sorry to interrupt" with "I'd like to add to that" • Replace "This might be stupid, but..." with "Here's another perspective" • Replace "I hope this makes sense" with "Let me know what questions you have" • Replace "I don't want to step on toes" with "I have a different approach" • Replace "This is just my opinion" with "Based on my experience" • Replace "Sorry if I'm being pushy" with "I feel strongly about this because" But how do you know if you're hitting the right note? Ask yourself these three questions: • Am I stating my needs clearly while respecting others' perspectives? (Assertive) • Am I dismissing others' input or bulldozing through objections? (Aggressive) • Am I hinting at what I want instead of directly asking for it? (Passive-aggressive) You can be considerate AND confident. You can make space for others AND take up space yourself. Your comfort matters too. Your voice matters too. Your ideas matter too. And most importantly, YOU matter. @she.shines.inc #Womenleaders #Confidence #selfadvocacy

Want to stay motivated every single day? Borrow a strategy from Harvard. Then borrow another from stand up comedy. Together, they’re a powerhouse for momentum, motivation, and mastery. Here’s how it works: Let’s start with Harvard. Researcher Teresa Amabile studied 12,000 daily work diaries across 8 companies. She wanted to know: What truly motivates people on a day to day basis? What she found changed how we understand drive. The #1 driver of daily motivation wasn’t: Money Praise Perks It was progress. The days people made progress on meaningful work were the days they felt the best. Progress isn’t a luxury. It’s a psychological necessity. So how do we make progress feel visible especially on days when it’s not? Use a “Progress Ritual.” → At the end of the day, pause. → Write down 3 small ways you moved forward. → That’s it. No fanfare. Just ritual. This works because we rarely notice our progress in real time. It gets buried under busyness, meetings, and mental noise. The act of looking back gives your brain the reward it needs to keep going. Momentum builds from meaning. Now let’s add some comedy. Young Jerry Seinfeld had one goal: write new material every day. To stay on track, he created a brilliant system. Each day he wrote, he put a big red X on his calendar. Soon, a chain of Xs formed. And here’s the key: Don’t break the chain. One red X becomes two. Two becomes ten. Ten becomes identity. Whether you’re writing, coding, or training Daily action + visual chain = long-term motivation. Summary: The Two-Part Motivation System From Harvard: Record 3 ways you made progress each day. From Seinfeld: Mark an X for each day you show up then don’t break the chain. Progress fuels purpose. Consistency fuels confidence. Apply both and you’ll stay on track especially on the tough days. Because when your days get better, your weeks get better. When your weeks get better, your months get better. When your months get better, your life gets better. It starts with one small win today.

As a junior lawyer, I had to learn how to make it easy for supervisors to review my work. In case it helps, here's a step-by-step guide (with an example): 1️⃣Make it clear what the matter / document is and when input is needed. 2️⃣ Set out the context and approach to preparing the deliverable What needs to be reviewed, how was it prepared, and what’s the timeline? If you're attaching a document, include the live link to your file management platform (e.g. iManage or Sharepoint) as well as a static version. 3️⃣ Set out the next steps and your ask Make it clear what your supervisor needs to review. Set this out at the top of your email and proactively provide some recommendations. You can also follow up in person to make sure deadlines aren't missed. 4️⃣ Explain how the draft is marked up Make it easy to navigate with specific questions (either in the document or extracted in the email). If there are mark ups against a particular document / version, identify what that is. 5️⃣ Summarise your inputs Let them know what your draft reflects, and attach the relevant inputs so they can see everything in one place. This will give your supervisor confidence that you've captured everything, and make it easier for them to check your work. 6️⃣ Flag key aspects / assumptions If there are key assumptions / principles that have a big impact on how your draft is prepared, it's helpful to set them out in the email as a point of focus. Try to also set out the relevant clause / section / reference where possible. Is there anything else that you'd add? What else have you found helpful in making drafts easier to review, either as a junior lawyer or a supervisor? ------ Btw, if you're a junior lawyer looking for practical career advice - check out the free how-to guides on my website. You can also stay updated by sending a connection / follow. #legalprofession #lawyers #lawstudents #lawfirms

🥊 “Jingjin, have you ever considered that women are just inferior to men?” That was her opening line. The lady who challenged me was not a traditionalist in pearls. She was one of the top investment bankers of her time, closed billion-dollar deals, led global teams, the kind of woman whose voice dropped ten degrees when money was on the line. And she meant it. “Back in my day, if I had to hire, I’d always go for the man. No pregnancy leave. No PMS. No emotional volatility. Just less… liability.” And she doesn’t believe in what I do. Helping women lead from a place of wholeness. Because to her, wholeness is a luxury. Winning requires neutrality. And neutrality means: be less female and suck it up! I’ve heard versions of this many times, and too often, from high-performing women who "made it" by suppressing. But facts are: 🧠 There are no consistent brain differences between men and women that explain men’s “logic” or women’s “emotions.” 💥 Hormones impact everyone. Men’s testosterone drops when they nurture. Women’s cortisol rises in toxic workplaces, not because they’re weak, but because they’re sane. 📉 What we call “meritocracy” is often a reward system for those who can perform like they have no body, no children, no cycles. None of those are biologically male traits. They’re artifacts of a system built around male lives. So, if you're a woman who's bought into this logic, here are some counter-strategies: 🛠 1. Study Systems Like You Studied Deals Dissect the incentives, norms, and bias loops of your workplace the same way you’d break down a P&L. Don’t internalize what’s structural. 🧭 2. Redefine Strategic Strengths Stop mirroring alpha aggression to prove you belong. Deep listening, self-regulation, and nuance reading, these are leadership assets, not soft skills. Use them ruthlessly. 💬 3. Name It, Don’t Numb It If your hormones impact you one day a month, say so, but also say what it doesn’t mean: It doesn’t cancel out 29 days of clarity, strategy, and execution. 🪩 4. Build Your Own Meritocracy Start investing in spaces, networks, and cultures where your wholeness isn’t penalized. If none exist, build them. 🧱 5. Deconstruct Before You Self-Doubt When you catch yourself thinking “maybe I’m not built for this,” pause. Ask: Whose rules am I trying to win by? Who benefits when I question myself? This post isn’t about defending women. We don’t need defending. It’s about calling out the internalised metrics we still use to measure ourselves. 👊 And choosing to rewrite them. What’s the most 'rational' reason you’ve heard for why women are a liability?

When Mary Barra took over GM's HR department, she found a 10-page dress code policy. She replaced all 10 pages with just two words: "Dress appropriately." The HR team panicked. A senior director sent an angry email demanding more detailed rules. But Barra held firm. When the director called to complain that his team wore jeans to government meetings, she didn't cave. Instead, she told him: "Have a conversation with your team." Two weeks later, he called back excited. His team had solved it themselves...they'd keep dress pants in their lockers for important meetings. Here's what happened across GM: 1. Managers started making decisions instead of following rulebooks 2. Employee engagement improved as people felt trusted 3. Bureaucracy dropped as leaders focused on outcomes, not compliance Barra realized: "If they can't handle 'dress appropriately,' what other judgment decisions are they not making?" She built a culture where thinking mattered more than rule-following. Most companies write longer policies to avoid problems. Mary wrote shorter ones to create leaders.

I worked 20-hour shifts during my residency. Forget time for family and friends, I often didn’t even have time to shower or eat. So when most of my patients talk about stress taking a toll on their health, I understand. But what we often ignore is that stress acts as your body's alert system for perceived threats. It leads you straight into survival mode - causing lack of sleep, anxiety, and countless health problems. So here are 4 simple solutions to reclaim control: ▶︎ 1. The physiological sigh: This is one of the fastest ways to calm down. - 1 deep inhale through the nose - 1 short inhale to top up - 1 long exhale to empty lungs Just 2-3 cycles of this technique will release the maximum amount of CO2, slow your heart rate and relax you. ▶︎ 2. Mel Robin’s 5-second rule: To break the cycle of anxiety and change your stress habits, simply count down from 5. 5-4-3-2-1. This exercise will: - Activate your prefrontal cortex - Interrupt your habitual thought loops - Shift your brain from fight-or-flight to action mode ▶︎ 3. The filters test: If you want to reduce stress, you need to curate your thoughts. Whenever you have a negative thought, answer these 3 questions: - Is it true? - Is it kind? - Is it helpful? If any of the answer is no, discard the chain of thought immediately. ▶︎ 4. Conquer your fear of judgment: Caring what people think is costing you your health. Choosing attachment (fitting in) over authenticity (being yourself) sets you up for long-term health issues. So forget about others' opinions. Remember, being healthy > seeking approval. These techniques actually work as our brains tend to: - Ignore the high costs of our inaction - Understate the positive results of taking action - Exaggerate negative consequences of taking action. How do you manage your stress? #healthandwellness #workplacehealth #stress

Just by being Black, the level of latitude you're given for behaviour – especially behaviour deemed "bad" – is often completely different. The consequences are harsher and the scrutiny is sharper. Take disciplinary matters, for example. Black employees are often judged more harshly for the same behaviours as their white counterparts. A Black professional might be labelled “difficult”, “angry”, “intimidating”, or “unprofessional” for expressing frustration in a meeting, while a white colleague might be excused as “passionate” or “assertive”. You know the type of comments – “Elizabeth is just expressing how she feels,” or “Johnny was just a bit hot under the collar.” The disparity isn’t just anecdotal – it’s backed up by research into workplace racial bias. Then there’s career progression. Black employees are frequently held to higher standards to earn the same recognition. Feedback like, “You need to prove yourself more” or “be more of a team player” is often levelled at those who have already delivered exceptional results. Meanwhile, others are promoted based on potential or likeability rather than consistent performance. Not sure if this is (or has) happened in your workplace? 1) Look at patterns in employee relations cases – Are Black employees disproportionately disciplined or receiving harsher feedback compared to their peers in similar roles? 2) Examine promotion criteria – Are Black employees expected to overperform just to be considered for opportunities, while others get ahead based on vague ideas of potential or even subpar performance? How do performance and potential ratings for Black employees compare with others? 3) Observe how behaviours are labelled – Is there a difference in the language used to describe similar actions? Are words like “angry” or “unapproachable” disproportionately applied to Black colleagues? For Black women, how are their traits described compared to non-Black women? For Black men, what “advice” is given under the guise of mentorship to ensure they aren’t perceived as “intimidating” or “scary” – particularly when they express frustration or anger? To address this, the first step is noticing the patterns (or not dismissing or acting defensively when it’s pointed out), the second is to question and avoid making assumptions that it is an “unfounded accusation” and the third? Well, that’s up to you. You can either take action or ignore it. I say that only because too many organisations are still struggling to get past the first step 🤷🏾♀️ 📹 Sterling K. Brown