Fair Play PDF

Eve Rodsky

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 Fair Play
Transforming Household Labor: Rebalance
Responsibilities, Revive Relationships.
Written by Bookey
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About the book
In "Fair Play," Eve Rodsky presents a groundbreaking
approach to addressing the unequal distribution of unpaid,
invisible work within households—a common struggle for
many families. Inspired by her own experiences, Rodsky
created a practical system to help couples reassess and
rebalance domestic responsibilities. After interviewing over
five hundred individuals, she identified the essential tasks that
often go unnoticed and developed four straightforward rules,
along with 100 household tasks, to facilitate a more equitable
division of labor. This innovative guide transforms the
conversation around household duties through an engaging
card game mechanism, allowing partners to prioritize family
needs while fostering deeper connections. "Fair Play" is not
just about chores—it's about reclaiming valuable time for
personal passions and enhancing relationships. Are you ready
to take the first step toward a more balanced life?

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About the author
Eve Rodsky is on a mission to revolutionize modern marriage
by addressing the persistent imbalance of domestic
responsibilities that often falls disproportionately on women.
In her upcoming book, *Fair Play: A Game-Changing Solution
for When You Have Too Much to Do (and More Life to
Live)*, she leverages her background in Harvard Law and
extensive experience in organizational management to
introduce a gamified system for life management. This
innovative approach empowers couples to redistribute
household responsibilities, fostering a renewed sense of
partnership and purpose. With a B.A. in economics and
anthropology from the University of Michigan and a J.D. from
Harvard, Rodsky has spent over a decade advising families in
philanthropy. Her work revealed that her skills in mediation
and strategic organization could create meaningful change at
home. Raised by a single mother in New York City, Rodsky
now resides in Los Angeles with her husband and their three
children.

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Summary Content List
Chapter 1 : THE CURSE OF THE SHE-FAULT PARENT

Chapter 2 : THE HIDDEN COSTS OF DOING IT ALL

Chapter 3 : RULE #1: ALL TIME IS CREATED EQUAL

Chapter 4 : RULE #2: RECLAIM YOUR RIGHT TO BE

INTERESTING

Chapter 5 : RULE #3: START WHERE YOU ARE NOW

Chapter 6 : RULE #4: ESTABLISH YOUR VALUES AND

STANDARDS

Chapter 7 : THE 100 CARDS OF FAIR PLAY

Chapter 8 : PLAYING THE GAME

Chapter 9 : RE-DEALING THE DECK

Chapter 10 : THE TOP 13 MISTAKES COUPLES

Chapter 11 : LIVING IN YOUR UNICORN SPACE

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 Chapter 1 Summary : THE CURSE OF
THE SHE-FAULT PARENT

Section Summary

Introduction: The Case of The author reflects on a frustrating incident with blueberries, revealing deeper marital issues and
the Missing Blueberries imbalances in domestic responsibilities sparked by her husband's message.

How I Got Here She recounts her childhood with a single mother and her desire for a balanced adult partnership,
believing she and her husband Seth shared equal responsibilities initially.

The She-Fault Parent Post-children, she became the "default" parent, taking on most domestic and childcare tasks, as
traditional gender roles resurfaced despite her husband's involvement.

Challenges of Invisible The author describes the struggle with "invisible work," which includes unpaid and unrecognized
Work domestic labor, mental load, and emotional support, causing strain in her marriage.

Visibility = Value She emphasizes that recognizing and documenting domestic tasks can lead to appreciation and
increased participation from partners.

Creating a New System She develops the "Sh*t I Do" list, realizing that merely listing tasks is insufficient, and seeks to
implement a systematic approach to domestic work with clear roles.

Game the System Through cooperation, the author creates the Fair Play system, utilizing cards for household tasks
to encourage equal contributions and transparency in responsibilities.

Results and The chapter ends with optimism about the Fair Play system's potential to improve domestic
Implementations dynamics, reduce stress, and enhance partnership satisfaction.

Summary of Chapter 1 - Fair Play by Eve Rodsky

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Introduction: The Case of the Missing Blueberries

- The author reflects on a frustrating incident regarding

blueberries, symbolizing deeper issues in her marriage and
role as a mother. Defensive emotions arise from her
husband's text, indicating a larger imbalance in domestic
responsibilities.

How I Got Here

- The author discusses her childhood experiences with a

single mother and her resolve to create a balanced
partnership in adulthood. She met her husband Seth while
pursuing her career and initially felt they shared an equal
partnership.

The She-Fault Parent

- After having children, the author found herself becoming

the “default” or “she-fault” parent. Despite her husband’s
involvement, traditional gender roles began to resurface with
her taking on the bulk of household and childcare

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responsibilities.

Challenges of Invisible Work

- The author describes her struggles with invisible work, a

term related to the unpaid and unacknowledged labor women
perform at home. This includes mental load, emotional labor,
and the second shift of domestic tasks, which ultimately puts
a strain on her marriage.

Visibility = Value

- Acknowledging the imbalance of responsibilities, the

author emphasizes that visible acknowledgment of domestic
work can lead to greater appreciation and participation from
partners. She begins to document her daily tasks to highlight
the extent of her invisible work.

Creating a New System

- The author develops a list called "Sh*t I Do" to outline all

her responsibilities, realizing that lists alone won’t suffice for
actionable change. She seeks to implement a systematic
approach to domestic work with clear roles and expectations,

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emphasizing the management principles she knows from her
profession.

Game the System

- After discussions with her husband and applying a

cooperative approach, the author creates the Fair Play
system, which involves using cards to represent household
tasks and encourage equal contribution between partners.
This system aims for transparency and a restructuring of how
domestic responsibilities are viewed and shared.

Results and Implementations

- The chapter concludes with the author’s optimism about the

Fair Play system’s potential to shift domestic dynamics,
reduce stress, and enhance partnership satisfaction,
emphasizing that teamwork can foster a more fulfilling
family life.

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Critical Thinking
Key Point:The Perception of Invisible Work
Critical Interpretation:Rodsky brings focus to the
concept of invisible work that often goes unnoticed in
domestic settings, suggesting that recognition can
transform partnerships. However, it's crucial to examine
whether this recognition is a panacea for deeper societal
issues related to gender roles or if it merely addresses
symptoms of a larger systemic imbalance.

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 Chapter 2 Summary : THE HIDDEN
COSTS OF DOING IT ALL

Section Summary

The Case of the Man on Discussion of the invisible work mothers do while traveling, highlighting the mental load they bear.
the Plane

Mental Load Disparity A observation of a man's freedom during travel contrasts with the mental burden mothers face,
indicating a privilege that men experience.

The Costs to You Exploration of various costs related to mental load, including impacts on partnerships, identity,
career, wellness, and society.

Cost to Partnerships Women feel exhausted and resentful in relationships due to unequal domestic workload.

Cost to Identity Mothers often lose connection with their pre-parent selves and passions.

Cost to Career Societal biases create a significant pay and advancement gap for mothers.

Cost to Wellness Mothers experience high stress levels and mental fatigue from overwhelming responsibilities.

Cost to Society The workforce loses qualified women, leading to reduced talent and productivity.

Addressing the Real change involves agency and societal support to achieve gender equality at home and work.
Imbalance

The Solution Ahead Creating the "Sh*t I Do" list aims to make invisible labor visible, reinforcing the extent of women's
contributions.

The Four Rules for Fair Emphasizes the importance of clear expectations and shared responsibilities to create a balanced
Play domestic life.

Invitation for Next section will outline the "Four Rules for Fair Play" to transform family dynamics and
Transformation responsibilities.

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The Case of the Man on the Plane

Jessica and I discussed the often invisible work mothers do

while boarding a flight. Both of us were preoccupied with
tasks for our families, which highlighted the mental load
women carry.

Mental Load Disparity

Observing a man across the aisle, I realized he was

unencumbered and focused solely on work or leisure, while
Jessica and I juggled multiple responsibilities. It made me
ponder the imbalance and the idea of a “dad privilege” that
allows men to enjoy mental freedom, unlike women who
often handle the unseen domestic responsibilities.

The Costs to You

I reflected on how this mental load affects various aspects of

life:
-
Cost to Partnerships
: Many women feel exhausted and resentful in relationships

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due to unbalanced workloads and expressed a desire to
escape or feel that their role is permanent.
-
Cost to Identity
: Mothers often lose a sense of their pre-parent selves,
leading to feelings of disconnection from their passions and
identity.
-
Cost to Career
: The gap in pay and career advancement is more pronounced
for mothers than for their male counterparts, highlighting
societal biases against mothers in the workplace.
-
Cost to Wellness
: High stress levels and mental fatigue are common among
mothers due to the overwhelming nature of their
responsibilities.
-
Cost to Society
: Qualified women are leaving the workforce, creating a loss
of valuable talent and productivity.

Addressing the Imbalance

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Real change requires both individual agency and societal
support. The continued struggle for gender equality is not
just in workplaces but also at home.

The Solution Ahead

Through collecting data on unpaid work and creating the

"Sh*t I Do" list, I aimed to make the invisible labor women
do visible and valued. The power of community sharing
these lists yielded a profound realization of how much work
women do that often goes unacknowledged.

The Four Rules for Fair Play

Real changes come from clear expectations and

responsibilities shared between partners. The next steps
involve defining and delegating responsibilities effectively to
rebalance domestic workloads. This aim at creating a more
equitable home life fosters a more substantial foundation for
shared parenting and partnership dynamics.

Invitation for Transformation

Prepare for actionable insights in the next section, which will

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detail the "Four Rules for Fair Play," providing the structure
needed to transform family dynamics and responsibilities.

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Example
Key Point:Understanding and addressing the mental
load disparity between parents is crucial for
equitable partnerships.
Example:As you sit on that plane, glance at the man
blissfully typing away on his laptop. Meanwhile,
imagine feeling the pressure to remember every detail
for your family's needs — the snacks, the entertainment,
the doctor appointments. You juggle these
responsibilities while he enjoys a rare moment of mental
freedom. This scene sparks a realization about the
unequal mental load you’re carrying, which often leads
to exhaustion and resentment at home. Acknowledging
this disparity is the first step towards fostering a fair and
balanced partnership where both you and your partner
share responsibilities equally.

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Chapter 3 Summary : RULE #1: ALL
TIME IS CREATED EQUAL

CHAPTER 3: THE VALUE OF TIME

The Drunk Guy’s Jacket Incident

The author shares an experience about her husband leaving a

drunk man’s jacket and beer bottle on their lawn while she
was away on a work trip. When she returned, she realized her
husband expected her to clean it up, leading to frustration
about the unequal distribution of household responsibilities
and the perception that her time was less valuable than his.

Time Discrepancy in Relationships

The author reflects on the mindset that men’s time is finite

and women’s is infinite, noting that after having children, the
workload increases significantly for women. The unfair
division of labor extends to various domestic tasks, which
often go unseen and unappreciated, leading to issues in

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relationships and personal fulfillment.

Cultural Expectations of Time

Cultural beliefs reinforce unequal standards regarding time

management in relationships, where women are often
expected to prioritize domestic responsibilities and emotional
labor. The author emphasizes that this perception must
change to achieve true equality in partnerships.

Principle of Time Equality

The author introduces the principle that all time is created

equal, highlighting the need for both partners to recognize
the equal value of their time. This principle encourages
couples to discuss and reframe the workload in the
household, shifting attitudes towards time and its
management.

Unpacking Toxic Time Messages

Install
Various Bookey
toxic messages App to Unlock
regarding time areFull Text and
explored,
including notions like “timeAudio
is money” and “you don’t work,
so you have more time.” These messages perpetuate the

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Chapter 4 Summary : RULE #2:
RECLAIM YOUR RIGHT TO BE
INTERESTING

Don’t Get Lost in the Shuffle

The Case of the Forgotten Skis

Josie's passion for skiing has faded amidst marriage and

motherhood. Despite early success and enthusiasm, her
responsibilities squeezed out time for her hobbies. A
long-awaited ski trip turns sour when Josie's skis are lost at
the airport, symbolizing a deeper loss of her identity and
passions as she navigates family life.

Reclaiming the Right to Be Interesting

Like Josie, many women find their identities diminished after

motherhood as they assume roles that deemphasize their
personal interests. The chapter conveys the importance of
acknowledging that all time is equal in value, urging readers

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to reclaim their right to be both interesting and interested.
This concept is illustrated through Ellen, a woman who gave
up her design career to support her husband and family,
ultimately losing her sense of self in the process.

The Permission Paradox

Ellen’s story highlights the struggle for permission to pursue

personal interests, which women often relinquish due to
societal pressures. Ellen realizes too late that she needs to
assert her right to be interesting, which she eventually does
post-divorce by reigniting her passion for interior design.

But He Told Me to Quit My Job

Interviews reveal that many husbands don’t intentionally

suppress their partners' interests; instead, it is often assumed
resistance. The chapter explores how mothers often find
themselves in roles that overshadow their personal identities,
leading to a loss of self-worth beyond motherhood.

Find Yourself Again

The urgency to reclaim one’s interests is underscored with a

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call to create "Unicorn Space," a metaphor for the magical
and rare time dedicated to personal passion outside parenting
responsibilities. The chapter stresses that this space is
essential for a fulfilling life and partnership, yet requires
intentional effort to create.

The Role We Play

Many women experience an identity shift post-children,

often defining themselves through their roles.
Acknowledging a pre-parent self is crucial, as failing to do so
can lead to feelings of fading away and losing purpose
beyond parenting.

Are You Proud of Me?

Surveying male perspectives reveals that husbands often

equate pride with their wives' roles as mothers. The chapter
stresses the importance of recognizing partners' passions and
interests, fueling mutual support and excitement in
relationships.

Self-Worth, Not Monetary Worth

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Unicorn Space is about pursuing interests that enhance
self-worth, regardless of monetary gain. Personal fulfillment
through passions complements family roles and underscores
the importance of individual happiness in relationships.

Unicorn Space: Not Reserved for the Rich

The need for personal fulfillment extends beyond wealth.

Regardless of financial status, individuals require time and
space to revive their interests, which fosters a sense of pride
and self-worth in their lives. The chapter closes with a call to
embrace personal passions as integral to happiness and
fulfillment.

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Critical Thinking
Key Point:The importance of reclaiming personal
identity post-motherhood is critical for individual
fulfillment.
Critical Interpretation:The author suggests that many
women lose their individual identities due to societal
expectations and familial responsibilities. This loss, as
illustrated through Josie and Ellen's experiences, raises
questions about the balance of roles within a partnership
and whether traditional structures adequately support
personal growth alongside familial duties. Such
dynamics can be deeply ingrained, complicating the
path to rediscovering one's passions and interests.
Critics may argue that while Rodsky's perspective
highlights a pressing issue, it can oversimplify complex
family dynamics and societal pressures, as discussed in
works such as "The Second Shift" by Arlie Hochschild.
This complexity illustrates that not all women
experience the loss of self in identical ways, and some
find fulfillment in family roles without sacrificing their
individuality.

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Chapter 5 Summary : RULE #3: START
WHERE YOU ARE NOW

Chapter 5: Start Where You Are Now

Introduction: High Stakes

Understanding the value of reclaiming time and mental space

is crucial for couples aiming to achieve Fair Play—a
relationship characterized by happiness and fulfillment.
Before moving forward, it's essential to assess self-identity
and intentions in the partnership.

Marital Mash-Up

Begin by completing the Marital Mash-Up, a tool for

self-reflection that encompasses personal involvement in
household responsibilities.

Being a Game Changer

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Every individual has the potential to initiate change in their
marriage, even if it feels overwhelming. The responsibility
often falls on one partner to say “enough” to existing patterns
of resentment and imbalance. Change begins with your
commitment to redefining the relationship.

The Fair Play Cards

The foundational system of Fair Play involves an

understanding of the various tasks (or “cards”) necessary for
managing a household with children. These tasks are
categorized into suits: Daily Grind, Happiness Trio, Home,
Out, Caregiving, Magic, Wild, and Unicorn Space.
Awareness of these cards underscores the extent of daily
responsibilities.

Understanding Card Ownership

Owning a card in the Fair Play system means encompassing

the tasks' Conception, Planning, and Execution (CPE). This
model promotes efficiency, reduces nagging, and empowers
partners to fully embrace their roles.

Personality Types in Fair Play

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Individuals often identify as one of four Fair Play personality
types based on how many cards they currently manage:
1. New Superwoman
2. Accidental Traditionalist
3. Intentional Traditionalist
4. Collaborator

Identifying Your Partner's Role

Partners also possess distinct personality types, which

influence their approach to domestic responsibilities.
Understanding these roles fosters effective communication
and cooperation.

Clarifying Your Intention

Articulate your intention for engaging in Fair Play, whether

it's feeling less resentment or wanting more time for personal
projects.

Starting the Conversation

Initiating a dialogue about household dynamics requires

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careful framing. Create an inviting context for your partner to
ensure a collaborative approach.

Effective Communication Techniques

Utilize thoughtful communication strategies to encourage

participation in Fair Play without defensiveness or resistance
from your partner.

Preparation for the Shift

Prepare for a successful first conversation by strategically

timing your approach and crafting an inviting invitation to
discuss rebalancing domestic responsibilities.

Invitation to Fair Play

Suggest a specific date, place, and time for deeper

discussions on collaboration, focusing on creating a
partnership that values and supports both individuals’ needs
and aspirations.
By fostering understanding and dialogue, couples can move
towards a more equitable distribution of household
responsibilities, enhancing their partnership and overall
happiness.

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Chapter 6 Summary : RULE #4:
ESTABLISH YOUR VALUES AND
STANDARDS

LEVEL THE PLAYING FIELD

ESTABLISHING YOUR VALUES

In order to engage in Fair Play with your partner, it's crucial

to establish your values and standards. It's important to let go
of the belief that you must do everything yourself, especially
if you're feeling overwhelmed. Many people suffer from
"errand paralysis," leading to burnout. Instead, focus on what
truly matters to you and your partner by consciously deciding
what tasks add value to your family life.

THE FAIR PLAY MINIMUM STANDARD OF

CARE

Inspired by legal principles, the Fair Play Minimum Standard

of Care involves creating a shared understanding of how to

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manage household responsibilities. Couples often argue
about task execution due to differing personal standards. By
collaboratively defining your family's standards, you can
minimize conflicts.

WHAT'S REASONABLE?

Establishing a Minimum Standard of Care requires

discussions around what is reasonable in your home. For
example, if a partner forgets essential tasks, ask whether their
actions meet your family's agreed-upon standards. If you
disagree, revisit your shared values and reach an agreement
on how tasks should be completed.

FAIR PLAY MSC TEST

When disagreements arise regarding the Minimum Standard

of Care, consider the following questions:
1. Would a reasonable person under similar circumstances do
as I’ve done?
2. What is the community standard, and do we want to adopt
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3. What’s the harm for doing, or not doing, it this way?
4. What is our “why”?

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Chapter 7 Summary : THE 100 CARDS
OF FAIR PLAY

Set Yourself Up for a Win

Before beginning the Fair Play game, review the “100 Cards
of Fair Play” to tailor them according to household values.
The game has 100 task cards divided into five suits: Home,
Out, Caregiving, Magic, and Wild, along with the essential
Unicorn Space card. Understand the purpose of each card to
customize your deck.

Tip!
Use the online resource at [Link] for detailed
descriptions of each card and guidance on task execution.

100 Cards of Fair Play by the Numbers:

- 60 cards: For couples without children

- 40 cards: For couples with children
- 30 cards: Daily grind tasks distributed across the deck

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The Home Suit

The Home suit covers the extensive tasks of managing a

household with children, involving various responsibilities
that require Conception, Planning, and Execution (CPE).
-
Childcare Helpers:
Manage the logistics of caregivers, including scheduling and
communication.
-
Cleaning:
Organize cleaning schedules and supplies regularly.
-
Dishes:
Responsible for the routine of washing, drying,
loading/unloading the dishwasher.
-
Dry Cleaning:
Involves tracking garments, coordinating with dry cleaners.
-
Garbage:
Manage trash disposal and waste supplies.
-
Groceries:

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 CPE includes inventory management, grocery lists, and
shopping.
-
Home Furnishings:
Maintain basic household needs regularly.
-
Home Goods & Supplies:
Manage replenishing essentials like detergent and batteries.
-
Home Maintenance:
Responsible for repairs and managing contractors.
-
Home Purchase/Rental, Mortgage & Insurance:
Oversee all aspects of real estate management and related
paperwork.
-
Hosting:
Organize events while ensuring enjoyable experiences.
-
Laundry:
Involves washing, drying, folding, and putting clothes away.
-
Lawn & Plants:
Care for outdoor spaces and indoor plants.

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-
Mail:
Develop a system for sorting and handling incoming mail
efficiently.
-
Meals (Weekday Breakfast/Dinner):
Prepare and handle routine family meals.
-
Memories & Photos:
Manage the collection and organization of family memories.
-
Money Manager:
Handles budget, debt management, and savings goals.
-
Storage, Garage & Seasonal Items:
Keep inventory and organization of storage areas.
-
Tidying Up, Organizing & Donations:
Manage the clutter and donate unused items.

The Out Suit

The Out suit is for activities outside the home, requiring

thorough CPE to manage children's extracurricular

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engagements and social commitments effectively.
-
Auto:
Oversee car maintenance, registrations, and insurance
logistics.
-
Birthday Celebrations (Other Kids):
Manage RSVPs and logistics for children’s parties.
-
Calendar Keeper:
Maintain family schedules and coordinate events.
-
Cash & Bills:
Handle payments and cash needs.
-
Charity, Community Service & Good Deeds
(Adults):
Engage in community involvement and giving back.
-
Civic Engagement & Cultural Enrichment:
Plan and communicate about community events.
-
Electronics & IT:
Manage household tech issues and needs.

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-
Extracurricular (Non-Sports/Sports):
Coordinate children’s extracurricular activities.
-
First-Aid, Safety & Emergency:
Prepare for safety protocols and emergency supplies.
-
Packing & Unpacking:
Organize family logistics for daily needs and travel.
-
Travel:
Plan logistics for family vacations and trips.
-
Tutoring & Coaching:
Oversee academic and sports coaching arrangements.
-
Weekend Plans (Family):
Coordinate family social events and activities.

The Caregiving Suit

The Caregiving suit focuses on the emotional and practical

aspects of caring for children and supporting family success.
-

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Bathing & Grooming (Kids):
Regularly oversee and support children's hygiene.
-
Beauty & Wardrobe (Her/Him):
Manage personal grooming and wardrobe needs.
-
Bedtime Routine:
Ensure peaceful nighttime routines for children.
-
Birth Control:
Handle planning and responsible choices regarding
contraception.
-
Clothes & Accessories (Kids):
Oversee children’s clothing needs and organization.
-
Dental (Kids):
Manage dental healthcare and appointments.
-
Diapering & Potty Training:
Lead on diaper changes and potty training initiatives.
-
Estate Planning & Life Insurance:
Ensure family security through planning.

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-
Friendships & Social Media (Kids):
Monitor and facilitate children’s friendships and online
safety.
-
Grooming & Wardrobe (Him):
Manage responsibilities for partner's personal care.
-
Health Insurance:
Manage health care logistics for the family.
-
Homework, Projects & School Supplies:
Lead school support and requirement management.
-
Medical & Healthy Living (Kids):
Ensure pediatric health management and nutrition.
-
Morning Routine:
Support getting kids up and ready each day.
-
Parents & In-Laws:
Manage family relationships and communication.
-
Pets:

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 Take care of pet-related responsibilities and logistics.
-
School Service:
Engage in school-related volunteer opportunities.
-
School Transitions:
Manage the logistical challenges of school applications and
transitions.
-
Self-Care (Her/Him):
Ensure both partners take time for personal well-being.
-
Special Needs & Mental Health (Kids):
Adapt to support children with special requirements.
-
Teacher Communication:
Maintain communication with educators about children’s
progress.

The Magic Suit

The Magic suit focuses on nurturing family relationships and

creating meaningful memories through bonding experiences
and shared activities.

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-
Adult Friendships (Her/Him):
Prioritize maintaining adult relationships.
-
Birthday Celebrations (Your Kids):
Organize and manage children’s birthday celebrations.
-
Discipline & Screen Time:
Set and enforce family boundaries on discipline matters.
-
Extended Family:
Foster relationships within the extended family unit.
-
Fun! & Playing:
Ensure dedicated family time for recreation and enjoyment.
-
Gestures of Love (Kids):
Create thoughtful moments to express love to children.
-
Gifts (Family):
Plan and give gifts for family occasions with mindfulness.
-
Gifts (VIPs):
Handle gifts for important figures in the family’s life.

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-
Hard Questions:
Engage in open dialogue about tricky topics with children.
-
Holiday Cards:
Manage holiday card logistics and relationships.
-
Holidays:
Oversee the preparations and celebrations for holidays.
-
Informal Education:
Invest time teaching life skills and experiences.
-
Magical Beings:
Cultivate imagination through special traditions with
magical elements.
-
Marriage & Romance:
Prioritize romance and connection within the partnership.
-
Middle-of-the-Night Comfort:
Provide support during night-time emergencies.
-
Partner Coach:

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 Assist each other in personal and professional development.
-
Showing Up & Participating:
Commit to being present at family events.
-
Spirituality:
Shape a family’s spiritual framework and practices.
-
Thank-You Notes:
Encourage gratitude through written notes to important
figures.
-
Values & Good Deeds (Kids):
Foster a family culture built on values and community
action.
-
Watching:
Stay engaged and aware of children’s activities for safety
and emotional support.

The Wild Suit

The Wild suit addresses unexpected and significant life

events that demand urgent CPE.

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-
Aging/Ailing Parent:
Manage caregiving responsibilities for aging family
members.
-
Death:
Handle logistical and emotional tasks surrounding a loved
one's passing.
-
First Year of Infant’s Life:
Navigate the challenges of a newborn's first year.
-
Glitch in the Matrix/Daily Disruption:
Address unexpected disruptions in daily life.
-
Home Renovation:
Manage tasks related to home improvement projects.
-
Job Loss & Money Problems:
Tackle the complexities of employment and financial stress.
-
Moving:
Organize the logistical challenges of relocating.
-

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New Job:
Balance household responsibilities when transitioning to a
new job.
-
Pregnancy & Baby’s Birth:
Prepare for and manage the physical and emotional load of
impending parenthood.
-
Serious Illness:
Manage care and support for serious medical issues within
the family.

Unicorn Space

Unicorn Space represents the pursuit of personal passions

and interests outside of family obligations. Individuals
should prioritize activities that inspire and fulfill them
without seeking permission or feeling guilt. Ensure both
partners engage in this pursuit for personal growth and
mutual support.

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Chapter 8 Summary : PLAYING THE
GAME

Summary of Chapter 8: Fair Play

Introduction to Fair Play

Congratulations on understanding the Four Rules for Fair

Play, recognizing the importance of time, and preparing to
engage in a new collaborative approach to your domestic life.
This chapter invites partners to transform their relationship
dynamics by committing to meaningful conversations and
shared responsibilities.

Trial Run

Consider the upcoming week as a trial period to implement

Fair Play concepts and assess their impact on your
relationship. If this conversation has yet to happen with your
partner, this chapter provides a heartfelt note to encourage
their engagement.

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Thank You Note

Eve Rodsky acknowledges the partner's involvement in this

Fair Play initiative, appreciating their willingness to work
collaboratively toward a happier partnership and family life.

Exploring New Conversations

Partners will collaboratively examine the framework for

discussing household responsibilities, shifting from
competition to collaboration. The aim is to streamline
household management without adding burdens.

Benefits of Fair Play

Engaging in Fair Play offers numerous benefits, including:

- Enhanced communication about home life
- Clearer roles and expectations
- Permission to lead and own responsibilities
- More time for individual interests, leading to a fulfilling
partnership and parenting experience

What You Stand to Lose

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Participants risk facing feelings of nagging, competition over
tasks, and emotional strain if they don’t engage in Fair Play.

The Fair Play Instruction Manual

The manual outlines a game-like structure for dividing

household tasks among two players:
-
Players:
2
-
Objective:
Fairly divide 100 cards representing household and childcare
tasks according to shared values and strengths.

How to Play: 7 Easy Steps

1.
Set the Ground Rules:
Establish community agreements for respectful
communication and collaboration.
2.
Customize Your Deck:

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 Identify and prioritize the household cards that align with
your family’s values.
3.
Prepare to Onboard:
Organize and visualize your task lists for clarity.
4.
Deal Your Cards:
Strategically assign responsibilities based on individual
capabilities and preferences for each task.
5.
Establish a Minimum Standard of Care:
Agree on what constitutes acceptable delivery of each task,
establishing fairness in expectations.
6.
Claim Your Unicorn Space:
Ensure each partner reserves time for personal interests
outside of domestic responsibilities.
7.
Take a New Vow:
Commit to a collaborative experience, emphasizing mutual
respect and commitment to shared responsibilities.

Fair Play FAQs

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This section addresses questions about implementing the Fair
Play system, such as understanding CPE (Conception,
Planning, Execution), determining the duration of card
holding, handling task requests, and finding balance with
household responsibilities.
By following the outlined steps in this chapter, couples can
redefine their domestic dynamics, prioritizing collaboration,
clear communication, and mutual support in building a
harmonious home life.

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Chapter 9 Summary : RE-DEALING
THE DECK

Stay in it to win it

Congratulations on starting the Fair Play system! You have

shared responsibilities according to your values, leading to
time equality, efficiency, fairness, and equity. Now, it’s
crucial to keep communication flowing effectively.

The All-Important Check-in

Set a check-in date within your first week of implementing

Fair Play. Regular feedback is vital for maintaining fairness
in your partnership. Treat this check-in like a highly
anticipated event—don’t miss it! Couples who regularly
check in experience greater happiness and better outcomes.

The Power of Feedback

Feedback is essential for growth, both in work and home.

Make the most of your weekly check-in to clarify roles and

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responsibilities, allowing you to adjust the Fair Play system
for continuous improvement.

Wait for It

Avoid delivering immediate feedback during tense moments,

as it can disrupt the collaborative spirit of Fair Play. Instead,
wait for more relaxed moments to discuss issues
thoughtfully, improving communication and reducing stress.

Big Feelings

Change can evoke strong emotions. Acknowledge feelings of

resistance, fear, and anxiety as normal. Remind yourself that
navigating these feelings is part of the process and necessary
for growth.

Your Weekly Check-in

1.
Set a Check-in Date
Install
: Choose Bookey time
a consistent Appweekly
to Unlock Full
when you canText
both and
focus.
2. Audio
Take Stock

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Chapter 10 Summary : THE TOP 13
MISTAKES COUPLES

THE TOP 13 MISTAKES COUPLES

MAKE—AND THE FAIR PLAY FIX

Overview

Fair Play, an organizational system for couples, was

developed through extensive feedback from real-life
experiences. This chapter highlights the common mistakes
couples make while implementing Fair Play, along with
solutions to these issues to promote a harmonious
partnership.

1. THE CPE BREAK-UP

Mistake:
Failure in project management, where one partner drops the
ball on critical task execution.

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Fix:
Assign one person per task card to manage conception,
planning, and execution (CPE). If conflicts arise, like
scheduling issues, communication must be clear at weekly
check-ins.

2. THE RAT F*CK

Mistake:
Issuing Random Assignments of Tasks (RATs) without
context, leading to resentment and forgetfulness.

Fix:
Avoid random requests. Instead, pre-negotiate task
assignments during check-ins to ensure both partners are
informed and accountable.

3. THE CPE DOUBLE-UP

Mistake:
Both partners assume responsibility for the same task,

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leading to confusion and inefficiency.

Fix:
Delineate responsibilities for each card clearly to prevent
duplicating efforts and ensure accountability.

4. THE ELEVENTH-HOUR VETO

Mistake:
Last-minute decisions from one partner undermine prior
efforts by the other.

Fix:
Solicit input during the planning stage and agree on any
changes to avoid undermining previously made plans and
decisions.

5. GOING ROGUE

Mistake:
One partner makes decisions on tasks significant to both
without consulting the other.

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Fix:
Include your partner in the planning stage of all tasks,
especially those impacting shared responsibilities.

5A. THE HERO FAIL

Mistake:
Well-intentioned actions that conflict with the partner’s prior
planning.

Fix:
Always consult your partner before making unilateral
decisions related to shared tasks.

6. STANDARDS SLIP

Mistake:
Failing to meet agreed-upon minimum standards of care for
tasks.

Fix:

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 Reassess and redefine these standards during weekly
check-ins to ensure consistency in expectations.

7. BLOWING DOWN THE HOUSE

Mistake:
Venting frustrations outside of scheduled discussions which
leads to ineffective communication.

Fix:
Deliberately choose when to address issues and ideally save
them for check-ins, utilizing positive reinforcement in
discussions.

8. TOXIC TIME MESSAGES

Mistake:
Perceptions of unequal time contributions lead one partner to
default on tasks.

Fix:
Acknowledge that both partners' time is equal, and ensure

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responsibilities are shared accordingly at check-ins.

9. BELIEVING SYSTEMS AREN’T FUN

Mistake:
The perception that organizing household tasks kills
spontaneity.

Fix:
Understand that organization creates space for fun and
improves relationships by reducing chaos.

10. PLAYING BY THE NUMBERS

Mistake:
Counting tasks can lead to competitiveness rather than
collaboration.

Fix:
Focus on fairness instead of counting tasks. Agree on what’s
fair and ensure that each partner feels their contributions are
valued.

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11. CURRENCY OF CONSEQUENCES

Mistake:
Using consequences for failure to perform tasks can damage
closeness.

Fix:
Replace punitive measures with discussions to reassign
cards based on a partner’s strengths and mutual standards.

12. RESENTMENT OF THE HAPPINESS TRIO

Mistake:
Neglecting self-care and personal happiness leads to
resentment.

Fix:
Mutual support in allocating time for friendships, self-care,
and personal pursuits is essential for overall happiness.

13. SKIPPING THE VALUES STEP

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Mistake:
Rushing through the values discussion leads to misaligned
expectations.

Fix:
Prioritize discussions around values to determine which
tasks and cards should be prioritized, ensuring both partners
agree.

BONUS ROUND: PLAY FOR LIFE

Mistake:
Relapsing into old habits after initially adopting Fair Play
techniques.

Fix:
Maintain long-term commitment to the system. Regular
check-ins help refine responsibilities and ensure ongoing
collaboration, making the partnership stronger over time.

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Chapter 11 Summary : LIVING IN
YOUR UNICORN SPACE

The Real Win: A Happier, Healthier You

Claim Your Unicorn Space

After rebalancing domestic responsibilities, achieving

harmony with your partner, and feeling empowered, the next
goal is to reclaim or discover personal passions—what the
author terms "Unicorn Space." This space is about nurturing
the unique aspects of yourself that contribute to a fulfilling
life. Achieving this sometimes proves challenging.

What Unicorn Space Is Not

Unicorn Space differs from self-care or leisurely activities

like exercising, unwinding with friends, beauty
appointments, binge-watching, or extremely demanding
work. True Unicorn Space revolves around connecting
deeply with personal interests that foster a greater purpose.

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Step 1: Identify a Passion

Start by allowing yourself to dream about passions you want

to pursue. Consider activities you’ve longed to revisit or new
interests you’d like to explore. Use prompt questions to
brainstorm and select one passion to focus on.

Pop Quiz: Is My Job Unicorn Space?

Evaluate whether your career brings joy or if it feels like

mere work. A job that feeds your passion can qualify as
Unicorn Space.

Step 2: Plan to Share It with the World

Reflect on how you can share your interests with others.

Transition from "individual" to "shared experiences" makes
engagement more fulfilling, connecting personal joy with a
sense of community.

Meet Individuals Rediscovering Their Passions

Examples include people who re-engaged with running,

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cooking, community service, and music. Each experience
illustrates how sharing talents with others restores purpose
and fulfillment.

Responding to the Question of Sharing

Activities solely for personal care may not yield the same
happiness as those that involve sharing with the community.
Engaging with others while pursuing your interests broadens
the sense of satisfaction.

Step 3: Set a Goal

Once you’ve identified a passion to pursue, commit to a

specific timeline and share your goals with others for
accountability. For example, plan a social event where you
can showcase your talent.

Signal Seriousness

Create urgency by establishing clear timelines and

commitments to avoid procrastination. Informing others of
these aspirations can encourage support from your partner.

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Step 4: Face Your Fears

Fear may arise as you pursue goals, but don’t let it paralyze
you. Empower yourself by recalling past achievements and
support from friends.

Beware the Passion Gap

Women, in particular, may experience an increasing gap in

pursuing passions after starting families, leading to fear when
trying to reengage with interests.

Step 5: Get Your Partner’s Support

Both partners should communicate their respective Unicorn

Space goals and determine how to share household
responsibilities. Ensure each individual’s time is respected.

Dodge the Same Space Trap

Avoid choosing the same passion as your partner; instead,

focus on unique interests. The importance of individual
journey is emphasized.

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Beware of Unicorn Space Gone Wild

Be cautious of extreme or escapist pursuits that affect

relationships negatively. Both partners need balanced
participation; when one partner dominates their Unicorn
Space, it can lead to resentment.

Step 6: Stick to Your Schedule

Honor your scheduled Unicorn Space without allowing guilt

or domestic responsibilities to interfere. Maintain your
commitment to yourself as a way to enhance personal
satisfaction negatively impacted in the past.

Concluding Thoughts

Claiming your Unicorn Space not only enriches your own

life but positively impacts those around you, including your
partner. The journey is about enjoying fulfillment as a unique
individual while harmonizing personal and shared
experiences in life.

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Best Quotes from Fair Play by Eve
Rodsky with Page Numbers
View on Bookey Website and Generate Beautiful Quote Images

Chapter 1 | Quotes From Pages 8-31

[Link] can’t value what you don’t see, right?
[Link] = Value.
3.I became the default parent—or more aptly, the she-fault
parent,
[Link] grows out of perceived unfairness.
[Link] gets measured gets managed.
6.I had to stop sneaking around in the middle of the night,
elfin-like, silently and magically making sh*t happen.
[Link] provide my husband with more context, in which every
task that benefits our home is not only named and counted
but also explicitly defined and specifically assigned.
[Link] amassing 250 articles (and counting) from
newspapers, magazines, and online sources, it was
disturbing to recognize that... we haven’t made enough
progress in sharing the burden.

Scan to Download
Chapter 2 | Quotes From Pages 32-58
[Link] man appeared to be enjoying a luxury all of
the women we know couldn’t imagine: the
freedom to focus on one task at a time.
[Link] is the value of an unencumbered mind? A Woolfian
mental room of one’s own? A 'she-shed' to unpack all the
lists and reclaim... our 'autonomy of mind'?
[Link] do you think his wife is doing right now?
[Link] expect women to work like they don’t have children
and raise children as if they don’t work.
[Link]’s not actually motherhood or kids that derail women’s
careers and personal ambitions—it’s men who refuse to do
their fair share.
[Link] costs of a constantly encumbered mind have women
hitting the resentment ceiling.
[Link] unpaid job of scrubbing the toilet still falls on us. It’s
women’s work.
8.I realized that I owed each of them a set of rules that set up
each player for clear, measurable, and consistent success.

Scan to Download
[Link] change, in turn, creates demand for more social,
political, and economic change.
[Link] you believe that? I don’t either.
Chapter 3 | Quotes From Pages 60-97
[Link] Seth regarded the 12 minutes it would have
taken him to clean up our front lawn as more
valuable than the same 12 minutes it took me, how
could I ever expect him to take on more of the
domestic workload?
[Link] time equality and time choice is a message the
women’s movement missed, and it’s about time, pardon the
pun, we have a cultural recognition that all time is created
equal.
[Link] domestic task takes time, and the minutes quickly
add up.
[Link]’s not all on me. It’s on us. Our home and family are both
of our responsibilities.
5.A good mother spends her time in service to her family and
to herself.

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Chapter 4 | Quotes From Pages 99-122
[Link] it. It’s not worth it. Let’s just go.
[Link] most important reason for you to reimagine your life
through the lens of Fair Play: It allows you to reclaim your
right to be interesting and interested.
[Link], I believe I lost my permission to be interesting.
[Link] may have reclaimed your right to be interesting by
rediscovering the ‘me’ I’d left behind.
[Link] the lack of permission coming from the outside
influences the permission we grant ourselves, we pay a
high price.
[Link]’ve turned on your heels and found yourself again.
Chapter 5 | Quotes From Pages 123-203
[Link] have it in you to be a game changer in your
marriage. Yes, you.
[Link] starts with a game changer. Only one person has to
initiate change to proactively change the entire system.
[Link] one person initiating change, you’ll both stay
stuck in the same old patterns.

Scan to Download
[Link] you’ve been given a task card, holding means you
Conceive, Plan, and Execute.
[Link]’s fair is not always equal and what’s equal is not
always fair.
[Link] than one person shouldering domestic work is needed
for an equitable relationship.
[Link] is the outcome you want?
[Link]’s not worth it for you to go to work, too.
[Link] the heroine of your own life, not the victim.
[Link] will not happen without your partner’s willing
participation, and this begins with a thoughtful and
engaging conversation.
Chapter 6 | Quotes From Pages 204-221
1.I do not have to do it all.
[Link] if everything isn’t important? What if you let some of
it . . . go?
[Link] don’t have to do it all. You don’t have to play with a
full deck of Fair Play cards.
[Link] every card a person holds, how you Conceptualize,

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 Plan, and Execute the domestic task at hand is governed by
this question: Would a reasonable person (in this case, your
partner, spouse, babysitter, caregivers, parents, and in-laws)
under similar circumstances do as I’ve done?
[Link] wins. Rule #4 asks you and your partner to make
expectations explicit to minimize disappointment and
maximize trust in the relationship.
[Link] more nuanced discussions come into play when you
and your partner focus on the details that are often driven
by personal predilection.

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Chapter 7 | Quotes From Pages 222-281
[Link] yourself up for a win.
[Link] takes a village, and you’re fortunate if your village
includes a nanny, babysitter, family caregivers, or others
who pitch in with the kids.
[Link] card entails having a bin/bag at home, ensuring the
appropriate clothes get into that bin/bag, finding a dry
cleaner, knowing when it’s open so you can coordinate
drop-off and pickup, and taking off the plastic wrapping
before hanging clothes back in the closet.
[Link] you haven’t ever CPE’d this card, would you like to take
a guess at how many loads of laundry your family
generates weekly?
[Link] we want to be the family who feeds the homeless every
Thanksgiving, start researching places to volunteer.
[Link] career may be if it’s a Category 5 storm of passion.
Chapter 8 | Quotes From Pages 282-318
[Link]! You’ve read the Four Rules for
Fair Play.

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[Link] time is created equal.
[Link] joint participation and 'two-player' approach is a solid
start to what comes next.
[Link] go of resentment about the past.
[Link] must agree as a couple to allow each other Unicorn
Space.
6.I will—Play my cards with full Conception, Planning, and
Execution (CPE).
[Link] players hold the adult friendships, self-care, and
Unicorn Space cards plus, at a minimum, each partner must
hold a fair share of Daily Grind cards.
Chapter 9 | Quotes From Pages 319-340
[Link] in it to win it.
[Link] system needs maintenance, and within the rules of
Fair Play, preserving fairness requires direct and open
communication.
[Link] is vital to progress.
[Link] feedback in the moment is never helpful, not
really.

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[Link] corrections along the way is part of this process.
[Link] the drudgery of taking out the kitty litter threatens to
kill your mojo and derail your commitment to the system,
remember the shared values and set of standards you have
placed on each of your cards.
[Link]-term trust rather than long-term resentment is the
long-term goal.
[Link] the course, and course correct when needed.

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Chapter 10 | Quotes From Pages 342-358
[Link] Conception, Planning, and Execution with
one person.
[Link] you let one in the house, more are bound to follow.
[Link] no one person takes the lead, the blame game is
easily played.
[Link] you want to invite your spouse to become a collaborator
who is capable of succeeding, you must retire your habit of
issuing RATs.
[Link] of you deserves and needs time for friendships,
self-care, and Unicorn Space.
[Link]’t ‘organizational management’ in the home take the
fun and romance out of the relationship?
[Link] is fair is not always equal and what is equal is not
always fair.
[Link] you stop playing, you risk a slip backward.
Chapter 11 | Quotes From Pages 359-388
[Link] real win is a happier, healthier you.
[Link] endgame here—what you’re really working for—is

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 time and space to reclaim, or discover and nurture, the
natural gifts and interests that make you uniquely you,
driving you to be the fullest expression of yourself and
make life worth living. Unicorn Space!
[Link] reclaiming time and space for the passions that fuel your
greater sense of meaning and purpose aren’t a strong
enough motivator to rebalance the domestic workload in
your own home, then consider new research that links
meaning and purpose to a number of positive health
outcomes, including better sleep, fewer strokes and heart
attacks, and a lower risk of disability and dementia.
4.A dream written down with a date becomes a goal. A goal
broken down into steps becomes a plan. A plan backed by
action becomes reality.
[Link] you pair passion with a 'share with the world'
mind-set, when that thing that you do for you is extended
outward to include others, it becomes more meaningful,
purposeful, and therefore even more fulfilling.
[Link] people to face their own mortality over lunch

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 wasn’t inspiring the type of purposeful answers I was
searching for... How can you share what you are passionate
about with the world?
[Link] your answer is yes, and you find yourself doing the same
'job' in your free time, then you are working in your
Unicorn Space.
[Link] value of what you do in your Unicorn Space is derived
from sharing.

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Fair Play Questions
View on Bookey Website

Chapter 1 | THE CURSE OF THE SHE-FAULT

PARENT| Q&A
[Link]
What was the author's initial response to her husband's
text about missing blueberries?
Answer:The author felt defensive and overwhelmed,
thinking about all the tasks she had been juggling
and questioning why her husband couldn't get the
blueberries himself.

[Link]
How did the author's upbringing influence her
expectations for partnership in marriage?
Answer:Growing up with a single mother who managed
everything alone, the author developed a determination to
have a true partnership in marital life, aiming for a 50/50
division of labor.

[Link]
What does the author mean by "she-fault parent"?

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Answer:The term 'she-fault parent' refers to the expectation
that mothers bear the brunt of parenting and domestic
responsibilities, often feeling solely responsible when things
go awry.

[Link]
What realization did the author have regarding the
visibility of domestic tasks?
Answer:The author realized that in order for her husband to
value and share the responsibilities, he needed to see the
complete scope of the work involved in running their
household.

[Link]
What was the significance of the ‘Sh*t I Do’ list the
author created?
Answer:The 'Sh*t I Do' list aimed to make visible the
extensive and often unnoticed tasks the author handled daily,
serving as a tool to facilitate conversation and collaboration
about household duties with her husband.

[Link]
How did the author envision her ideal partnership when

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she was younger?
Answer:The author wanted a partnership where
responsibilities were equally shared, contrasting with her
experience of her mother managing everything alone.

[Link]
What challenges did the author face when trying to
return to work after having children?
Answer:The author struggled with balancing work and
family duties, feeling isolated, overwhelmed, and unable to
articulate her needs effectively to her partner.

[Link]
What did the author discover about domestic inequality
through discussions with friends?
Answer:The author learned that many of her friends also
experienced similar frustrations with unbalanced domestic
responsibilities, highlighting a widespread issue among
mothers.

[Link]
What was the author's perspective on how to tackle
domestic inequities?

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Answer:The author believed that establishing a structured
system for sharing responsibilities, rather than just listing
tasks, would lead to a more equitable and functional
partnership.

[Link]
How did the author and her husband initially react to
implementing the Fair Play system?
Answer:After initial resistance and misunderstandings, the
author and her husband began to engage with the Fair Play
system, which ultimately improved their communication and
collaboration in managing household tasks.

[Link]
What impact did the creation of the Fair Play system
have on the author's marriage?
Answer:Implementing the Fair Play system revolutionized
the author's marriage by eliminating breathless texts,
fostering true collaboration, and reducing feelings of
resentment and disappointment.

[Link]
How does the author define 'invisible work' and why is it

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important?
Answer:Invisible work is the behind-the-scenes tasks that
keep a household running but often go unnoticed. It is
important to recognize it to ensure that all partners appreciate
and share the load of domestic responsibilities.

[Link]
What insights did the author gain from creating her 'Sh*t
I Do' list?
Answer:The 'Sh*t I Do' list revealed the overwhelming
amount of unpaid and overlooked labor mothers perform
daily, and it was a necessary step toward asking for help and
achieving balance in family life.

[Link]
Why does the author emphasize the importance of
'visibility = value'?
Answer:By making her contributions visible, the author
hoped her husband would recognize their importance and
actively participate in household management, ultimately
leading to a more balanced partnership.

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[Link]
What message does the author ultimately want to
communicate through her experience?
Answer:The author wants to showcase the importance of
open communication, recognition of domestic work, and the
need for equitable partnerships in relationships to foster
mutual support and understanding.
Chapter 2 | THE HIDDEN COSTS OF DOING IT
ALL| Q&A
[Link]
What is the significance of the comparison between the
experiences of women and the man on the plane?
Answer:The man on the plane symbolizes the
freedom that many men experience, which allows
them to focus on a single task without the
overwhelming mental load that women often carry.
Women, like the narrator and her cousin, are
associated with multitasking and managing many
unseen responsibilities at once. This comparison
highlights the gender disparity in the division of

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labor at home, emphasizing how this affects
women's mental freedom and overall well-being.

[Link]
How does the author connect the concept of 'the Sh*t I
Do' list to broader societal issues?
Answer:The 'Sh*t I Do' list serves as a tool for women to
make visible the invisible labor they perform daily. By
aggregating these tasks, the author demonstrates how much
work mothers do, often without recognition, which
contributes to the societal undervaluation of domestic labor
and perpetuates gender inequalities in relationships, careers,
and health. It illustrates the need for equitable sharing of
responsibilities to alleviate the mental burden on women.

[Link]
What are some emotional costs associated with the
disparities in household labor between men and women?
Answer:Women often feel exhaustion, resentment, and
isolation in their partnerships due to the disproportionate
division of household and childcare duties. These feelings

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can lead to dissatisfaction in marriages and a loss of personal
identity, as women struggle to maintain their pre-parent
selves amidst their extensive responsibilities.

[Link]
How can recognizing the mental load help in addressing
gender inequalities at home?
Answer:By acknowledging and openly communicating about
the mental load associated with household tasks, both
partners can redefine their roles and responsibilities. This
recognition enables discussions on equitable sharing of
duties, allowing women to reclaim their mental space, reduce
stress, and foster healthier relationships.

[Link]
What revolutionary change does the author advocate for
regarding domestic responsibilities?
Answer:The author advocates for a shift in the perception
and responsibility of unpaid domestic work at home,
encouraging a more equitable division of labor. She
emphasizes the need for men to actively engage in household

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and childcare tasks without being prompted while also
reforming social and cultural norms that valorize 'dad
privileges' over women's workloads.

[Link]
What positive outcome does the author envision from
implementing the 'Fair Play' system?
Answer:The 'Fair Play' system aims to create a balanced
partnership where both partners have clearly defined roles
and responsibilities. The envisioned outcome is a more
efficient and harmonious household life where mutual
support alleviates stress, leading to healthier relationships
and improved overall well-being for both partners.

[Link]
Why is the concept of a 'mental room of one’s own'
important in the context of women's lives?
Answer:The concept of a 'mental room of one’s own'
underscores the need for mental space to think, create, and
live freely without the burdens of constant multitasking. This
autonomy is crucial for women to maintain their identity and

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pursue personal goals outside of maternal and domestic roles,
fostering a sense of balance in their lives.

[Link]
What are the Four Rules for Fair Play, and why are they
crucial for transforming domestic life?
Answer:The Four Rules for Fair Play provide a framework
for redefining household responsibilities in a fair manner.
They are crucial because they guide couples in establishing
equitable systems that prioritize both partners' needs,
facilitate open communication, and create a more supportive
home environment where each individual’s contributions are
valued.

[Link]
How does the discussion of the 'invisible workload'
contribute to understanding modern gender roles?
Answer:The discussion highlights how much of the unpaid
labor traditionally falls on women, thereby shedding light on
modern gender roles. By recognizing this 'invisible
workload,' we can understand the pressures women face and

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challenge the societal norms that perpetuate gender inequity
in domestic settings.

[Link]
What role does humor play in the author’s discussion of
gender disparities in household responsibilities?
Answer:Humor is used as a device to both lighten the heavy
subject of gender disparities and to provoke critical thinking
about the absurdity of the situations mothers face. By using
humor, the author connects with her audience on a relatable
level, encouraging conversations about these serious issues in
a more approachable manner.
Chapter 3 | RULE #1: ALL TIME IS CREATED
EQUAL| Q&A
[Link]
What does the incident with the drunk guy’s jacket reveal
about the division of household responsibilities?
Answer:It highlights the unequal distribution of
domestic duties between partners, showing that
implicit expectations often lead women to take on
tasks that men might neglect, thereby reinforcing

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the narrative that women's time is less valuable.

[Link]
How did the author frame the concept of time within
relationships?
Answer:All time is created equal, meaning that each
partner’s time should be valued and respected equally,
regardless of whether it is spent working outside the home or
managing domestic tasks.

[Link]
What major cultural concept does the author challenge
regarding women's roles at home?
Answer:The author challenges the notion that women's time
is infinite and less valuable than men's, emphasizing that
both partners should share domestic responsibilities equally.

[Link]
What is the significance of the 'time tax' mentioned in the
text?
Answer:The 'time tax' refers to the disproportionate burden
of childcare and domestic chores that women face, which
undermines their work-life balance, and further emphasizes

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the need for equitable sharing of home responsibilities.

[Link]
How does the idea of 'Toxic Time Messages' impact
relationships?
Answer:These messages perpetuate harmful stereotypes
about the value of time based on gender, causing resentment
and imbalance in the division of labor, as partners may
undervalue each other's contributions.

[Link]
What should couples do to shift their mindset about time,
according to the author?
Answer:Couples should engage in open conversations about
valuing each other’s time equally, acknowledging that both
partners contribute to the household in meaningful ways,
thus striving for a more equitable distribution of tasks.

[Link]
What is the profound realization the author experiences
after picking up the jacket and beer bottle?
Answer:The author realizes that she also undervalued her
time just as her husband did, leading to the conclusion that

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both partners must acknowledge and respect the value of
each other's contributions to domestic life.

[Link]
What is the relationship between self-care and domestic
duties for women, as discussed in the chapter?
Answer:Women often feel guilty taking time for self-care due
to the pressure and expectations to fulfill domestic
responsibilities, which can lead to resentment and an
imbalance in their workload.

[Link]
How does the author suggest couples can improve their
domestic collaborations?
Answer:By reframing their conversations around the value of
time and recognizing the effort required for both paid and
unpaid work, couples can collaboratively share household
responsibilities and alleviate the burden on one partner.

[Link]
What is the crucial takeaway regarding the perception of
tasks traditionally assigned to women?
Answer:Tasks usually labeled as 'women’s work' should be

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recognized as equally valuable as any job, and both partners
must engage in reassessing their perceptions of these roles to
facilitate an environment of fairness.

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Chapter 4 | RULE #2: RECLAIM YOUR RIGHT
TO BE INTERESTING| Q&A
[Link]
What lesson can we learn from Josie's story about the
importance of personal interests after marriage and
children?
Answer:Josie's story illustrates the significance of
maintaining personal interests and passions even
after marriage and the birth of children. It
highlights the risk of losing one's identity in the roles
of spouse and parent, and the emotional void that
this can create. Josie's excitement about skiing was
overshadowed by her responsibilities, leading to her
feeling unfulfilled and disconnected from her former
self. This teaches us that prioritizing our interests is
crucial for personal happiness and fulfillment.

[Link]
How did Ellen's experience reflect the need for women to
reclaim their identities post-marriage?
Answer:Ellen's experience demonstrates the struggle many

Scan to Download
women face in reclaiming their identities after marriage and
motherhood. She sacrificed her interior design career to
support her husband and family, only to feel lost and
uninteresting years later. Her regret reflects the danger of
sidelining one's passions and interests, emphasizing the need
for women to assert their right to be interesting and engaged
in their own lives.

[Link]
What does the term 'Unicorn Space' mean in the context
of marriage and parenting?
Answer:'Unicorn Space' refers to the time and space
individuals need to pursue their personal passions and
interests beyond their roles as parents and partners. It
emphasizes the need for both men and women to carve out
opportunities for self-expression and personal growth, which
are essential for a fulfilled and balanced life.

[Link]
How do societal expectations affect women's willingness
to pursue their interests?

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Answer:Societal expectations often pressure women to
prioritize family and domestic responsibilities over personal
interests. This leads to a sense of guilt about pursuing
passions that don't yield financial benefits. As seen in
Evelyn's story, women may feel they need to justify their
interests based on monetary contributions, which can inhibit
their pursuit of fulfillment outside traditional roles.

[Link]
In what ways can couples support each other in
reclaiming their interests and identities?
Answer:Couples can support each other by openly
communicating about their needs for personal time and
interests. They should prioritize equity in sharing household
and parenting responsibilities, allowing both partners the
freedom to explore their passions. Encouragement and
respect for each other’s pursuits can foster a mutually
supportive environment where both partners feel valued and
interesting.

[Link]

Scan to Download
What consequences can arise from a lack of personal
interests in a marriage?
Answer:A lack of personal interests can lead to feelings of
resentment, disconnection, and dissatisfaction within a
marriage. Partners may start to see each other solely through
the lens of their domestic roles instead of as individuals with
their own passions. This can diminish the overall excitement
and vitality of the relationship, as both partners may feel
unfulfilled and less engaged.

[Link]
How can individuals begin to reclaim their 'Unicorn
Space' despite feeling overwhelmed by responsibilities?
Answer:Individuals can start reclaiming their 'Unicorn Space'
by taking small steps, such as acknowledging their desires
for personal interests, setting aside even a little time each
week for these activities, and gradually demanding more
support from their partners. Dreaming about possibilities and
prioritizing self-care are essential first steps toward
re-establishing connections with one’s passions.

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[Link]
What role does self-worth play in the pursuit of personal
interests after becoming a parent?
Answer:Self-worth is crucial in pursuing personal interests,
as it influences how individuals value their own time and
passions. Many parents struggle with feeling justified in
taking time for themselves, often equating their worth with
their roles in the family. Acknowledging that personal
interests enhance their overall well-being and positively
impact their ability to care for their children is vital for
restoring self-worth.
Chapter 5 | RULE #3: START WHERE YOU ARE
NOW| Q&A
[Link]
What are the foundational questions to ask when
initiating Fair Play with your partner?
Answer:The foundational questions to ask include:
'Who am I? Who am I really in a relationship with?
What is my specific intention for playing the game?'
These questions help establish a baseline for

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understanding oneself and the relationship before
embarking on the Fair Play journey.

[Link]
How does one become a 'game changer' in their marriage
according to Rule #3?
Answer:You can become a game changer by acknowledging
that initiating change is essential. Although it may feel
burdensome to lead this initiative, you are empowered to take
charge and seek a more balanced and fulfilling partnership.
As Dr. Phyllis Cohen advises, only one person needs to drive
this change to influence the entire relationship.

[Link]
What is the Fair Play CPE approach and why is it
important?
Answer:The Fair Play CPE approach stands for Conceive,
Plan, and Execute. It is important because it ensures that
whoever holds a task card takes full responsibility for every
aspect of it without reminders or excuses. This approach
reduces resentment and increases feelings of teamwork and

Scan to Download
efficiency in managing household tasks.

[Link]
How can recognizing and holding Fair Play cards help in
domestic responsibilities?
Answer:Recognizing and holding Fair Play cards helps
clarify responsibilities and tasks within the household,
allowing both partners to understand and appreciate the work
involved. This transparency fosters collaboration and helps
redistribute the mental load, which leads to less frustration
and enhances the overall relationship.

[Link]
Why is it more important to focus on fairness rather than
equality in shared household chores?
Answer:Focusing on fairness acknowledges that
responsibilities may not be split evenly due to differences in
preferences, strengths, and time availability. Striving for
fairness allows couples to negotiate a system that works for
both partners, avoiding the trap of scorekeeping that can lead
to resentment and frustration.

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[Link]
What challenges might couples face in their domestic
partnership, according to the text?
Answer:Couples may face challenges such as feeling
unappreciated, overburdened, and frustrated by unequal
divisions of labor. Men may overestimate their contributions,
leading to communication breakdowns and
misunderstandings about who is responsible for various
tasks.

[Link]
How can couples effectively communicate their needs and
initiate discussions about Fair Play?
Answer:Couples can communicate their needs by choosing a
calm, appropriate time to discuss their domestic
responsibilities. Initiating a conversation using positive,
collaborative language—such as expressing a desire to work
together for balance—can help prevent defensiveness and
promote openness.

[Link]
How should one frame their intention for initiating Fair

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Play?
Answer:Intention should be framed positively, focusing on
what one hopes to achieve, such as reducing resentment,
feeling valued, or wanting to create more time for individual
interests. Clearly articulating these intentions helps clarify
the outcome one desires from the Fair Play process.

[Link]
What might be the risks of not addressing the division of
labor in a marriage?
Answer:If the division of labor is not addressed, it may lead
to mounting resentment, misunderstandings, and exhaustion,
ultimately intensifying conflict and dissatisfaction within the
relationship. This can even escalate to feelings of inequity
that threaten the overall stability of the marriage.

[Link]
What is a 'Marital Mash-Up' and how does it serve the
concept of Fair Play?
Answer:The 'Marital Mash-Up' is a self-assessment tool to
reflect on and articulate your household role, including how

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many task cards you currently hold. This concept serves to
help individuals and couples gauge their contributions,
understand their dynamics better, and create a foundation for
discussing Fair Play.
Chapter 6 | RULE #4: ESTABLISH YOUR
VALUES AND STANDARDS| Q&A
[Link]
What does it mean to establish your values and standards
in a relationship?
Answer:Establishing your values and standards
means having open discussions with your partner
about what tasks and responsibilities matter most to
each of you, aligning your expectations, and creating
a Minimum Standard of Care that reflects your
shared priorities and household values. This process
promotes fairness and reduces misunderstandings or
resentment in managing household duties.

[Link]
How can acknowledging that 'I do not have to do it all'
transform household dynamics?

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Answer:Acknowledging 'I do not have to do it all' empowers
individuals to relinquish unrealistic expectations and societal
pressures of perfection. This mindset fosters collaboration
between partners, enabling them to deliberately choose
which responsibilities to take on based on shared values, thus
reducing burnout and fostering a more equitable division of
labor in the household.

[Link]
What is the Fair Play Minimum Standard of Care, and
why is it important?
Answer:The Fair Play Minimum Standard of Care is an
agreement between partners on how specific tasks will be
managed based on their shared values and community
standards. It is important because it sets clear expectations,
minimizing disappointment and fostering trust in the
relationship, which ultimately leads to a more harmonious
and efficient household.

[Link]
How does the example of Sara and Clark's decision to
stop attending classmate birthday parties illustrate value

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alignment?
Answer:Sara’s decision to opt out of classmate birthday
parties was met with support from Clark, highlighting their
shared understanding of what activities genuinely added
value to their family's life. This illustrates the importance of
aligning on what responsibilities are worth their time and
energy, resulting in a more fulfilling family life.

[Link]
What approach should couples take if they disagree about
their Minimum Standard of Care?
Answer:Couples should engage in collaborative discussions,
applying the Reasonable Person Test to evaluate if their
personal standards align with community norms and what
potential harm might arise from disagreements. They should
reflect on their shared values and long-term goals to reach a
mutually beneficial standard.

[Link]
How does establishing a Minimum Standard of Care
encourage trust and accountability?

Scan to Download
Answer:By clearly defining expectations around household
tasks, partners can trust each other to fulfill their agreed-upon
responsibilities without micromanagement. This fosters
accountability and allows each partner to act with
confidence, knowing they are aligned on what success looks
like in managing their household.

[Link]
Why is it essential to conceptualize the 'why' behind
household tasks?
Answer:Understanding the 'why' behind tasks—such as the
importance of cleanliness for family health—deepens a
partner’s commitment to fulfilling those responsibilities. It
shifts perspective from viewing tasks as chores to seeing
them as essential steps towards a greater goal, which
enhances motivation and cooperation.

[Link]
What lesson can be drawn from Emily and Paul's
situation regarding kitty litter cleaning?
Answer:The lesson from Emily and Paul's situation is that

Scan to Download
expressing the importance of routine tasks in terms of
long-term family well-being fosters appreciation and action.
When Paul understood that cleaning the kitty litter wasn't just
a chore but a matter of health and safety for their family, he
became more willing to take responsibility without needing
constant reminders.

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Chapter 7 | THE 100 CARDS OF FAIR PLAY|
Q&A
[Link]
What is the purpose of the '100 Cards of Fair Play'?
Answer:The '100 Cards of Fair Play' serve to
breakdown the domestic responsibilities into
manageable tasks, facilitating better organization
and equitable distribution of chores and duties
between partners. Each card represents a specific
area of responsibility that can be personalized
according to the values and needs of the household.

[Link]
How can the concept of Conception, Planning, and
Execution (CPE) be applied in managing household
tasks?
Answer:CPE stands for the process where one partner
Conceives the task or responsibility, Plans how to
accomplish it, and then Executes the plan. For instance, if
cooking dinner is a task, one partner may conceive a weekly
menu, plan the grocery list, and execute by cooking at

Scan to Download
mealtime. This structured approach ensures clarity and
reduces friction in household management.

[Link]
What does the 'Unicorn Space' card signify, and why is it
essential?
Answer:The 'Unicorn Space' card represents the individual
passions and purposes that make a person feel alive beyond
their roles as parents or partners. It’s essential because
nurturing one's unique identity and interests is vital for
personal fulfillment and balance in a relationship, helping
partners reclaim their essence and talents amidst domestic
chaos.

[Link]
In what ways does managing chores and responsibilities
contribute to a healthier family dynamic?
Answer:Managing chores collaboratively fosters a sense of
teamwork and partnership, reduces feelings of resentment
and burnout, and allows both partners to feel valued. When
tasks are evenly distributed, it encourages open

Scan to Download
communication about needs and priorities, leading to a
supportive and harmonious family environment.

[Link]
How can one effectively communicate about re-dealing
responsibilities among partners?
Answer:Effective communication about re-dealing
responsibilities can involve routine check-ins to discuss what
is working, what isn’t, and how tasks can be shared or
switched. Partners should engage in honest dialogues,
ensuring that both feel heard and respected in their
contributions to the household.

[Link]
What are the implications of ignoring the 'Wild' cards in
family life?
Answer:Ignoring 'Wild' cards, which represent unexpected
life changes or stresses, can lead to overwhelm, dwindling
support, and increased tension between partners.
Acknowledging these cards allows partners to ask for help
and navigate challenges together rather than feeling isolated

Scan to Download
in their responsibilities.

[Link]
Why is it critical to define specific roles for tasks like
laundry or cooking?
Answer:Defining specific roles for tasks like laundry or
cooking clarifies expectations, minimizes misunderstandings,
and helps ensure that both partners are accountable for their
responsibilities. This structured approach prevents arguments
over chores and ensures a smoother operation of daily family
life.

[Link]
What role do external helpers, such as babysitters or
cleaners, play in the Fair Play system?
Answer:External helpers are important as they can relieve
some burden from household tasks; however, it remains
critical that one partner is responsible for managing the
logistics associated with these helpers, such as scheduling,
payment, and communication to ensure seamless integration
into the family routine.

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[Link]
How does understanding children’s developmental needs
influence the responsibilities assigned to parents?
Answer:Understanding children’s developmental needs helps
parents assign responsibilities based on what age-appropriate
tasks they can manage. For instance, younger children may
require more hands-on guidance during bath time, while
older children might be given duties like organizing their
own school supplies, thus promoting independence.

[Link]
What is the benefit of engaging in community service as a
couple or family?
Answer:Engaging in community service as a couple or
family not only strengthens bonds through shared
experiences but also instills values of empathy, generosity,
and teamwork in children. It teaches the importance of giving
back and can significantly enrich family dynamics.

[Link]
How can the concept of 'Magic' moments enhance
parents' relationships with their children?

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Answer:'Magic' moments are memorable experiences that
deepen bonds between parents and children, such as shared
activities or thoughtful gestures. These moments foster
emotional connections, increase familial joy, and contribute
positively to children's development and parental
satisfaction.
Chapter 8 | PLAYING THE GAME| Q&A
[Link]
What is the ultimate goal of engaging in Fair Play as
described in Chapter 8?
Answer:The ultimate goal of engaging in Fair Play
is to achieve a balance in the division of labor in
domestic life, allowing both partners to reclaim their
individuality, pursue meaningful friendships, and
engage in self-care, ultimately contributing to a
happier partnership and fulfilling parenting
experience.

[Link]
How does the Fair Play system differ from traditional
domestic roles?

Scan to Download
Answer:The Fair Play system emphasizes collaboration over
competition by ensuring that both partners have clearly
defined roles and expectations. It allows for open
communication regarding responsibilities without falling into
the traps of scorekeeping or nagging.

[Link]
What are the first steps a couple should take to begin
playing Fair Play?
Answer:The first steps include setting ground rules,
customizing the deck of responsibility cards based on shared
family values, and preparing to onboard and integrate the
Fair Play system collaboratively.

[Link]
Why is it important for both partners to hold cards for
self-care and friendships?
Answer:It is important for both partners to hold cards for
self-care and friendships because it ensures that both
individuals maintain their sense of self outside their parental
roles, which is essential for their own happiness and for

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serving as healthy role models for their children.

[Link]
What does the term ‘Unicorn Space’ refer to in the
context of Fair Play?
Answer:‘Unicorn Space’ refers to the unique time and space
that each partner needs to engage in activities that are
personally fulfilling and rejuvenating, enabling each person
to flourish beyond their roles as partners or parents.

[Link]
How can one ensure that tasks are handled according to
the Minimum Standard of Care (MSC)?
Answer:To ensure tasks are handled according to the
Minimum Standard of Care (MSC), both partners must
discuss and agree on the standards for each task based on
their family’s shared values, and hold each other accountable
for fulfilling those agreements.

[Link]
What are the potential benefits of implementing the Fair
Play system?
Answer:The potential benefits of implementing the Fair Play

Scan to Download
system include reduced resentment and stress in the
relationship, clearer communication, shared accountability,
more time for personal interests, and overall relational
happiness.

[Link]
What steps should partners take if they feel overwhelmed
with the tasks they hold?
Answer:If partners feel overwhelmed, they should
renegotiate and re-deal the cards during their weekly
check-ins, allowing for a redistribution of tasks that better
accommodates each person’s current capacity and needs.

[Link]
What is meant by ‘CPE’ in Fair Play, and why is it
significant?
Answer:‘CPE’ stands for Conceive, Plan, and Execute, which
refers to the complete ownership and responsibility for a
task. It's significant because fully embracing CPE ensures
that no task is merely assigned or half-managed, thus
promoting effective collaboration and accountability.

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[Link]
What does the author suggest if one partner consistently
avoids engaging with Fair Play?
Answer:If one partner consistently avoids engaging with Fair
Play, the author suggests clearly communicating the
importance of the process for the health of the relationship
and to motivate the other partner by highlighting what is at
stake—happiness and partnership satisfaction.
Chapter 9 | RE-DEALING THE DECK| Q&A
[Link]
What is the first step to maintaining the Fair Play system
after its initial implementation?
Answer:Set a check-in date within the first week to
discuss and provide feedback on the Fair Play cards.

[Link]
How important is open communication within the Fair
Play system?
Answer:Open communication is crucial; it's the number-one
predictor of long-term success in maintaining fairness and
efficiency.

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[Link]
What is the recommended approach to giving feedback in
a relationship according to the Fair Play system?
Answer:Feedback should be given after a cooling-off period,
rather than in the heat of the moment, to foster collaboration
and clarity.

[Link]
What should couples do if they encounter negative
feelings during the change process of implementing Fair
Play?
Answer:Acknowledge the feelings of resistance or
discomfort, and remind yourselves that these emotions are a
natural part of the change process.

[Link]
What is a suggested activity for couples during their
weekly check-in?
Answer:Review all the cards representing household tasks,
acknowledge each other's contributions, and renegotiate any
responsibilities as necessary.

[Link]

Scan to Download
Why is Friday seen as a favorable day for a check-in?
Answer:Fridays are more conducive for collaborative
discussions, as couples are generally less tired and
overextended than they might be on Sundays.

[Link]
How can partners address tasks that fall into a 'Both
Trap'?
Answer:Identify the tasks that are being managed by both
partners and clarify ownership to ensure smooth execution
without overlap.

[Link]
What should partners do when they experience a CPE
Fail (Conceive, Plan, Execute) in task management?
Answer:They should address it calmly during the check-in,
determine if it was a one-time mistake, and renegotiate
responsibilities if necessary.

[Link]
How do individuals stay motivated to maintain the Fair
Play system long-term?
Answer:By establishing a set of rules, visualizing long-term

Scan to Download
happiness, maintaining a positive reputation, and rewarding
themselves for their collaboration.

[Link]
Can you provide an example of how a couple might
reward themselves for sharing household responsibilities?
Answer:A couple might indulge in a nice dinner together
after completing their weekly check-in to reinforce positive
behavior and connection.

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Chapter 10 | THE TOP 13 MISTAKES COUPLES|
Q&A
[Link]
What is the primary mistake couples make when dividing
household tasks?
Answer:The primary mistake is inefficient project
management, where one partner ultimately takes
charge of the Conception, Planning, and Execution
(CPE) of tasks, leading to failures when not
communicated clearly and contextually, as seen in
the example of a missed birthday party.

[Link]
How can couples avoid the CPE break-up in their tasks?
Answer:Couples can avoid the CPE break-up by ensuring
that Conception, Planning, and Execution are handled by one
person for each task. Regular check-ins to redistribute tasks
and clarify details will help both partners stay on track.

[Link]
What is a Random Assignment of Tasks (RAT) and why is
it problematic?

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Answer:RATs are last-minute, uncontextualized task
assignments (like asking a partner to pick up glue without
prior discussion). They are problematic because they lack
context, leading to forgetfulness and resentment.

[Link]
How should couples handle disagreements in the planning
of household tasks?
Answer:Couples should always seek consensus during the
Planning stage and allow each partner to voice their opinions
upfront. Last-minute vetoes undermine the collaborative
process and efficiency.

[Link]
What is a common trap couples fall into regarding
childcare responsibilities?
Answer:Couples sometimes fall into the 'double-up' trap
where both think the other is managing a task, leading to
forgotten responsibilities, like arranging child care without
clear ownership.

[Link]
What is meant by 'Minimum Standard of Care' and its

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significance?
Answer:The Minimum Standard of Care refers to mutually
agreed timelines and quality for household tasks. It's
significant because it helps prevent feelings of frustration and
resentment when expectations are not met.

[Link]
How can couples overcome feelings of resentment
regarding the 'Happiness Trio'—self-care, friendships,
and personal interests?
Answer:To overcome resentment, couples should ensure that
both partners allocate equal time for personal activities
outside family life and support each other in maintaining
those commitments.

[Link]
What is a major takeaway on the importance of playing
for value in the Fair Play system?
Answer:Playing for value is crucial because it helps couples
prioritize tasks that genuinely add value to their lives, leading
to a lighter workload and increased satisfaction.

Scan to Download
[Link]
What should couples avoid doing when it comes to
communicating about household tasks and issues?
Answer:Couples should avoid scorekeeping and playing by
numbers, as this fosters competition rather than
collaboration. Instead, they should focus on fairness and
mutual agreement.

[Link]
How can couples maintain the benefits of a Fair Play
system over time?
Answer:Couples must engage in continuous communication,
regularly renegotiate tasks, and check in with each other to
adapt to changing circumstances, ensuring that the system
remains effective.

[Link]
What final advice does Eve Rodsky give to couples using
the Fair Play system?
Answer:Rodsky encourages couples to view Fair Play as a
lifelong practice instead of a temporary fix, emphasizing the
need for ongoing dialogue and adjustments to keep the

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partnership strong.
Chapter 11 | LIVING IN YOUR UNICORN SPACE|
Q&A
[Link]
What is the main purpose of reclaiming your Unicorn
Space?
Answer:The main purpose of reclaiming your
Unicorn Space is to identify and nurture the
passions and interests that make you uniquely you,
allowing you to live as the fullest expression of
yourself and enhance your overall happiness and
fulfillment in life.

[Link]
Why is it important that Unicorn Space is shared with
others?
Answer:When your Unicorn Space extends outward to
include others, it becomes more meaningful and fulfilling.
Research shows that sharing passions leads to greater
happiness and a sense of purpose, enhancing well-being and
fostering connections with others.

Scan to Download
[Link]
What steps can you take if you're struggling to identify
your passion?
Answer:If unsure about your passion, you can brainstorm
with prompts such as 'I would like more time for...' or 'I have
always wanted to...'. Reflecting on activities that engage your
hands, heart, head, or align with a higher purpose can help
spark ideas and guide you toward discovering what you truly
enjoy.

[Link]
How can fear impede your pursuit of Unicorn Space, and
how can it be mitigated?
Answer:Fear can cause paralysis and prevent you from
pursuing your passions, but facing it is crucial. Recognizing
that fear may arise when you take steps toward your goals
allows you to create a plan of action and seek support from
friends or partners to overcome the obstacles.

[Link]
What role do supportive relationships play in reclaiming
your Unicorn Space?

Scan to Download
Answer:Supportive relationships are essential for
rediscovering your Unicorn Space. Friends and partners who
encourage you provide the uplifting motivation and
accountability needed to pursue and fulfill your passions,
ultimately guiding you back to your true self.

[Link]
How can setting specific goals enhance your journey in
your Unicorn Space?
Answer:Setting specific goals gives you direction and
accountability. By establishing timelines, you create a
commitment to your passion that combats procrastination,
leading to a greater likelihood of success and fulfillment.

[Link]
What steps should you take if you want to reclaim
Unicorn Space while ensuring fairness in your
relationship?
Answer:To ensure fairness, negotiate with your partner about
time and responsibilities. Discuss each of your Unicorn
Space goals and agree on how to redistribute household and
childcare duties to allow both partners to pursue their

Scan to Download
individual interests without resentment.

[Link]
What is the connection between pursuing passions and
overall health?
Answer:Research indicates that engaging in meaningful
pursuits bolsters happiness and has positive health outcomes,
such as better sleep and reduced risks of various diseases,
nearly all linked to having a sense of purpose in life.

[Link]
Can everyday self-care be considered Unicorn Space?
Why or why not?
Answer:No, everyday self-care activities like unwinding or
beauty treatments do not qualify as Unicorn Space because
they typically focus on internal pursuits rather than external
contributions or passions that can be shared with others.

[Link]
How can you overcome doubts about your dreams and
ambitions?
Answer:To overcome doubts, give yourself permission to
dream without constraints, seeking to remember what once

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excited you. Engage with supportive friends, set goals, and
take action, which can all help transform doubts into
fulfilling pursuits.

Scan to Download
Fair Play Quiz and Test
Check the Correct Answer on Bookey Website

Chapter 1 | THE CURSE OF THE SHE-FAULT

PARENT| Quiz and Test
[Link] author initially felt that she shared an equal
partnership with her husband Seth during their
early relationship.
[Link] primary focus of the chapter is on the financial aspects
of household management.
[Link] Fair Play system involves using cards to represent
household tasks to encourage equal contribution between
partners.
Chapter 2 | THE HIDDEN COSTS OF DOING IT
ALL| Quiz and Test
[Link] mental load women carry while handling
family responsibilities is often invisible and leads
to a disparity in mental freedom between men and
women.
[Link] experience a better sense of identity and career

Scan to Download
 advancement compared to their male counterparts due to
societal biases.
[Link] solution to achieving fair play in family
responsibilities lies in clear expectations and shared
responsibilities between partners.
Chapter 3 | RULE #1: ALL TIME IS CREATED
EQUAL| Quiz and Test
[Link] author believes that men's time is viewed as
finite, while women's time is perceived as infinite.
[Link] principle of time equality suggests that one partner's
time is more valuable than the other's.
[Link] expectations typically dictate that women should
take on the majority of domestic responsibilities.

Scan to Download
Chapter 4 | RULE #2: RECLAIM YOUR RIGHT
TO BE INTERESTING| Quiz and Test
[Link] women find their identities diminished after
motherhood as they assume roles that
deemphasize their personal interests.
[Link] chapter suggests that husbands intentionally suppress
their wives' interests to maintain their roles as mothers.
[Link] individuals require considerable wealth to pursue their
personal interests and create their own 'Unicorn Space.'
Chapter 5 | RULE #3: START WHERE YOU ARE
NOW| Quiz and Test
[Link] order to achieve Fair Play, it is essential for
couples to assess their self-identity and intentions
in the partnership.
[Link] Fair Play system's foundational model consists of the
Conception, Planning, and Execution (CPE) of cards,
promoting dependency among partners.
[Link] are four Fair Play personality types: New
Superwoman, Accidental Traditionalist, Intentional
Traditionalist, and Collaborator, based on the number of

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 cards managed.
Chapter 6 | RULE #4: ESTABLISH YOUR
VALUES AND STANDARDS| Quiz and Test
[Link] is essential to do everything yourself to avoid
feeling overwhelmed in a partnership.
[Link] a Minimum Standard of Care requires
collaborative discussions around what is reasonable in your
home.
[Link] establishing a Minimum Standard of Care, couples are
more likely to experience conflict over household
responsibilities.

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Chapter 7 | THE 100 CARDS OF FAIR PLAY| Quiz
and Test
[Link] Fair Play game includes 100 task cards
divided into four suits: Home, Out, Caregiving,
and Magic.
[Link] Unicorn Space card encourages individuals to focus on
personal passions and interests outside of family
obligations.
[Link] with children have access to 60 cards in the Fair
Play game.
Chapter 8 | PLAYING THE GAME| Quiz and Test
[Link] Fair Play game involves dividing 100 cards
among two players to represent household tasks.
[Link] Fair Play, partners are encouraged to compete over
household responsibilities.
[Link] partner should be allowed to reserve time for personal
interests within the Fair Play system.
Chapter 9 | RE-DEALING THE DECK| Quiz and
Test
[Link] feedback is vital for maintaining fairness

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 in your partnership.
[Link] immediate feedback during tense moments is
encouraged to maintain collaboration in the Fair Play
system.
[Link] Fair Play system prioritizes perfection over progress in
managing shared responsibilities.

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Chapter 10 | THE TOP 13 MISTAKES COUPLES|
Quiz and Test
[Link] of the common mistakes couples make while
implementing Fair Play is 'The CPE Break-Up'
which involves both partners dropping tasks
randomly without clear communication.
[Link] Fair Play system encourages couples to issue Random
Assignments of Tasks (RATs) without context to maintain
spontaneity in task management.
[Link] chapter emphasizes that organizing household tasks
can actually enhance spontaneity and fun in a relationship
rather than kill it.
Chapter 11 | LIVING IN YOUR UNICORN SPACE|
Quiz and Test
[Link] Space is simply defined as self-care
activities like exercising and watching TV.
[Link] a specific timeline and sharing your goals with
others are key components in pursuing your Unicorn
Space.
[Link] same passion should be chosen by partners to ensure

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they enjoy their Unicorn Space together.

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